Mostly...I'll Just Miss Her

I started this blog back in 2009. I was a new, stay-at-home-mom with a lot of time on her hands and a brain that felt like it was turning to mush. I needed an outlet! I needed SOMETHING! I had been working and going to school since I was 18 years old and at age 34 with a new baby at home, I felt sort of lost. So, that something turned into writing a blog.

And I'm so glad I did. :)

I've chronicled so many of life's events and adventures here.

Birthdays, anniversaries, moves, job losses, new jobs, new cities, firsts, lasts and a bunch of in-betweens.

But this week marks a milestone. 

My new baby that changed my whole world 5 years ago will now be leaving the nest and heading off into the big new world of elementary school! 

I have been an emotional wreck this week...I won't lie.

I've cried many tears and thought many things....a lot is swirling around in my mind.

Mostly...

I'll just miss her.

I've thought about all the smiles and giggles and laughs we've had. The tickle fights and the corny jokes only a preschooler and her mommy understand and have a chuckle over. I'll miss those.

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

I think, "Will she be safe? Of course she will, silly." I tell myself. "School is the safest place on earth!" And then I'm reminded of those Kindergarten babies who won't get to start first grade this year because school became the most unsafe place for them. But I quickly shake off those feelings because I'll go nuts if I don't, and instead I say a prayer for the parents of those sweet angels from Sandy Hook. I know they miss their babies.

I've thought about how it will all feel to her. Will she be afraid? School is terrifying when you're small and all alone with your hall pass, and the corridors to the bathroom seem so long and the ceilings so tall. Your stomach feels a little queasy when there stands a potential new friend and you're trying to muster the courage to talk to her. You don't exactly feel safe when you're asked to "leap" a hundred times a day into unknown waters when all you're prepared to do is dip in your big toe. I wonder how she'll handle all this...without me? I'll really miss being her personal cheerleader and holding her hand.

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

She and I have an understanding you see. She knows where my limits lie, and I give her a lot of wiggle room. I set boundaries, she tries to push them. I lay out parameters, she oversteps them. I allow her to grow and explore and push and pull where I feel she needs to. I understand her and she understands me. I've been with her nearly every moment since the moment she was born, and she with me. How could we not? An understanding such as we have only comes from the daily ploddings along together. From the stamping of little feet in protest to the quick turn of mother's head and the explosive twinkling in her eye that warns, "You better stop that this instant!" I'm going to miss our daily battles, our tugs of war...for better or for worse. 

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

Will everyone think she's as wonderful as I know she is? She has such a pure little heart. She has a temper. She loves to play and to laugh. She loves music and rhythm and loves to wiggle and dance. She's been reading for a whole year now and saying her alphabet and counting since she could talk practically. She's so smart and loves to wax poetic about her five years...all she's learned all she's seen. "Mommy, did you know that Jupiter is the biggest planet and it's made of mostly gas? But Mommy, what is a planet?" I'll miss her questions and our talks. I'll miss our lunches together and watching "Peppa Pig" together and making snorting pig noises. 

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

My husband reminded me of something. "God kept His promise you know."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Five years ago when you so wanted to be home with your baby. He kept His promise and you've been with her until she started school...just like you prayed for." He reminded me.

And yes...so beautifully and simply put. "God kept His promise."

I'm on the other side of the prayer I prayed while my precious little one was still growing in my tummy. I had no idea if it would be answered or not, but content with His will alone...and I gave her to Him.

Wow.

So, standing on the edge of another season of unknowns, I will choose to trust once more, knowing with all my heart that He, who loves her infinitely more than I do, is so very faithful to us both.

Gabby, 16 months.

So, as I turn the corner on a new season in my life, I wonder where the time has gone. It truly goes by too quickly. Luckily, I've taken the time to record a lot of our daily happenings here, on this blog, and will continue to do so as my now big Kindergarten girl does class projects, wins awards, goes on field trips, and as I move on to whatever God has planned for me. 

I truly have such a blessed life. :)

Right out of bed! Bright eyed and bushy tailed!

One last pic before we leave for school!

Kisses at school.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, 

our little angel, Gabriella Joy. 

I'm going to miss you.

Thankful Thursday: God Works His Plan!

I got a little emotional today.

It occurred to me that just 9 months ago we were in a time of despair when my husband lost his job. I am a stay-at-home-mom, so we had no other income and it's an understatement to say that we were worried. Fear can sometimes grip you when you face the unknown. But when you know Jesus, the unknown is a lot less scary because you know He does know and He loves you, so you rest in that.

During the first 6 months with no income (except unemployment benefits), God really took care of us. We had a place to stay, food to eat, a car to drive, clothes, heat, water...all our needs were met. No one got sick, everyone was healthy and we even had a good Christmas.

Little did my husband know when he first lost his job that plans were being made and ground was being broken on a brand new hotel in another state, and that someone had HIM in mind to run it (because when he first met the owners of this company a year prior, they were impressed with him and told my husband to see them first if he ever found himself without a job). So when he walked into their offices, they were overjoyed to see him and snatched him up immediately! God was working it all out behind the scenes and we had no clue! So cool!

So that's why I got a little emotional today. I looked at where we were and where we are now and was filled with gratitude! My husband has a great job with a great company. And it occurred to me that the building of the hotel he will be managing is kind of like a metaphor for our own life.

The owners first had a dream! They drew up plans. They broke ground. They started building. Building this hotel has not been without it's struggles. There have been thefts, bad weather, setbacks, problems, but with perseverance and with a lot of hard work and sweat, they will very soon have a finished, operational hotel!

It's the same with us....

God had a dream....ME! He drew up the plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11), He broke the good ground of my heart and He started building! The process is not without struggles and hardships, but God keeps working His good plan for His best for my life. And one day, His will will be perfected in me! My job is to just be obedient to Him, love Him, put Him first, relax and He will work His extravagant plan for my life. 

Take a look at some of these pictures....

This was taken in February...just 3 months ago. So much has been done since then!

Yesterday tons of  supplies were delivered for the big opening in a few weeks...

The hubs was even recruited to run the forklift to unload pallets from the tractor trailer! He had never done that before in his life! But it had to be done, so he jumped right in and got the job done. 

It's coming along so well! 

Now look at it! Nearly complete!

Everyone is working so hard right now trying to get everything together.

God, thank you for your tremendous blessings! Forgive me for ever doubting You! Please just keep me teachable so that You can work Your extravagant plan for my life! 

I can't wait to see what You build! 

Amen

Thankful Today

Among the hundreds of things I am thankful for today, I have immense gratitude in my heart for these two. My wonderful husband and my beautiful daughter, for they are the lights of my life. I love you both with all my heart.

Thankful Thursday...The Story of Our Move

I've been wanting to sit down and write this for a long time, but I hadn't really gathered my thoughts about it. But I think now that I've seen how things have unfolded up until this point, I can better explain I think. So here goes.....

The one thing about this whole experience is that it has been chock full of blessings and miracles! And another one came through just last night! You see, ever since I lost my job as a teacher (right after giving birth to our first baby), God has been there, providing and strengthening our faith every step of the way. I knew very early on in my pregnancy that God wanted me to stay home with my baby. I didn't know how, because EVERYONE was against me giving up a good job like that. But I just kept praying and believing until finally I conceded to the fact that I was just going to have to do the practical thing and go back to work in the Fall. Well, God had other plans, because I lost my job due to cut backs. I tried very hard to get another job, and never found one. Long story short, I was able to receive unemployment benefits for about 9 months which enabled us to continue to pay the bills and be just fine.

Well, after the unemployment benefits ran out, we were yet again faced with that, "Uh-oh, what do we do now?" feeling! I turned to the Lord and had massive amounts of faith that everything would be ok...although bills were starting to pile up and things were looking a little desperate. My husband, who is the worrier of the family wasn't so optimistic. But over the course of the year, he had been putting out resumes in the hopes of getting a higher paying job (although the one he had was wonderful and a blessing) to better support his family. A whole year went by, and he never even got so much as a, "Thanks for your interest, but...." so we had pretty much given up on that avenue. But then, out of the clear blue sky, he got a call to interview for a General Manager (he's in the hotel business) position in Lexington, KY. He was nervous and excited, and took the initial phone interview, which he sailed through. In that first interview, salary was discussed of course. He told him what he required, and the interviewer just flat out told him that he probably wouldn't get that number because he didn't have a degree, and although he had assistant GM experience, he had never been a GM before, so he'd have to start off with a base salary. But he just said, that he wouldn't take any less than that if he was going to have to pick up and move his family to a different state, and left it at that.

So over the course of a week, he had a face to face interview with a regional supervisor, an interview with the VP of the company and another phone interview. And then, nothing. We waited for over a week to hear if he got it. In the meantime, I had decided that I was going to keep children in my home, like so many of my SAHM friends do. So, I put an add on Craigslist, and got a lot of feedback. My husband and I worked very hard on cleaning and organizing the house to get it ready to show parents (which would prove beneficial for a completely different reason later on). I scheduled interviews and had accepted 2 children (all I needed). We were set. Then, the very next day, DH got the call that he had gotten the job for the full salary that he asked for!!! We were so excited! Well, he was a little more nervous than excited, but proud of himself. I just knew this was God...yet again, stepping in at just the right time and taking care of everything! I was so upset that I had to tell those parents that I couldn't keep their children. But so often, we think God's not workin' fast enough for us, so we try to make something happen ourselves. So, I called them and told them and they were all very understanding and happy for us.

So I quickly decided to call our realtor to get the ball rolling on putting the house on the market. We were really nervous because of all the reports that in this economy, banks weren't giving out loans as freely and that it was not a sellers market! The realtor came through and loved the house (remember we had already gotten it all cleaned up and ready to show the week before!). I told her that we stood to make quite a bit of money on the house no matter what we sold it for, so we didn't want to be greedy, we wanted to price it to sell. She suggested a price that fit well with what houses were going for in our neighborhood and we put it on the market. There were house showings everyday! Why? Because people are trying to get in on that $8,000 first-time home buyer tax credit fromt he stimulus plan! And folks, we sold our house in 10 days for full price! And the buyers aren't even asking for a lot of repairs. We can basically just move and be done with it! So amazing!

Well, while I was working on trying to get all that taken care of, my husband was trying to figure out what he was going to do about his living arrangements in Lexington. That city is 2 1/2 hours away from Knoxville, so there was no way he could commute. And he didn't want to overstep his bounds at a new job and ask for too much too soon by asking if he could just stay at the hotel. He was very worried about it. But just a few days before he was set to start, his supervisor called and said that she was surprised that HR hadn't told him, but he was allowed 30 days to stay at the hotel for free until he got his housing situation squared away! And just last night (30 days later), she called again and my husband explained that we wouldn't be closing on the houses until Oct. 30th, and she said that she understood and that he'd been working so hard that he didn't have time to find housing, so he could just stay another 30 days for free! Praise the Lord!

Ya'll those are the big things, but even the seemingly little things that God has done for us along the way have been incredible. Of course when you're between jobs, money is tight, and our case is no exception. My husband was panicking about even having enough money for gas to drive there and start the job! But right before he was set to leave, he found a $50 bonus check stuck back in a drawer that he had forgotten about, which took care of the gas and then some. Also, the first week he started, he had to drive another 3 hours to Ohio for some trainings. He again was worried about the gas up there and food. But what happened? God took care of it again! He was issued a Purchasing Card for the trip and didn't have to pay for a thing! This whole transition has just been one blessing after another! And I'm so thankful.

We moved to Knoxville on our own when were just newly married babies, almost 13 years ago. We love it here, and will miss our friends, our church, the families we've grown to love and everything about this beautiful part of the world. But I know that this is a new phase for us. I don't know what new and exciting things God has planned for us, but I know He wouldn't have made the way so straight and practically handed us this promotion, and this new life in another city on a silver platter for no reason. Right now, I'm just grateful that He's made a way for this mother to be able to stay at home with her child a little while longer. But in the back of mind, I'm wondering what other amazing things He has in store for us?!

Yes, this transition is hard on us. DH is living alone in a hotel room in a new city. And since he lives there, he just figures he may as well work since he has nothing better to do. So, he's been working 12-16 hour days and is tired and cranky. And I'm here at our house all day and night with a baby...lonely and bored. I have to keep the house immaculate because our realtor continues to show it, just in case the offer falls through. And I don't even know where to begin packing! It's a lot to take sometimes. But I do see a light at the end of this long tunnel and it's just 30 days away! The new home we put an offer on is very comparable to the one we have now except that it has a fireplace, a beautiful sun room, a large pool, a brick patio, a fenced in vegetable garden, privacy fencing, oh and did I mention a HOT TUB! WooHoo! I've always wanted one! It's going to be so fun making this new home that has been very well cared for and maintained, our own, and enjoying it!

So today, on Thankful Thursday, my heart is just so full. I'm thankful for too many things to even begin to name them all!

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

Whooopeee! Today we got an offer on our home for the full asking price! It was on the market just 10 days!!! I guess all that time spent watching "Designed to Sell" paid off (heehee). I wasn't nearly that picky. But I tried to make every room clutter free and inviting. I'll post pics of my house in a few days before I start tearing it up to pack.

So today I'm thankful that my house sold so quickly!!! Praise the Lord!

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursdays

Hey everyone! I'm visiting my mother and father in KY this week. We put our house on the market Monday and I had just had enough of it (getting it ready to show), so I just had to "get out of Dodge" so to speak, for a few days, and just sort of veg.

So this week I'm thankful for my family. Although they can work my last nerve sometimes, I realize that I am lucky to have both of my parents still around to love on me and my daughter whenever I want. They are the most giving people I've ever known, and I love them and am thankful for them.

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

I've been trying to think of something to write about for "Thankful Thursday," and just couldn't come up with anything. Sure I'm thankful for many things, but I just wasn't sure what to choose. Until......

Earlier this morning, after I posted my status on facebook about having to go make some more laundry detergent, I was bombarded with questions asking, "Is it cheaper?" "Is it hard to make?" "How do you make it?" So I decided to hop on over to my very favorite blog, "Want What You Have" by Heather, because I got the recipe from her, and was going to post a link on facebook. But while I was there looking for the recipe, I was overcome with absolute gratitiude and thankfulness for this woman and all she does for housewives, stay-at-home-moms, and Christian women. I've told her this, but will now tell you, that at a time when I was very overwhelmed with this whole new mom, housewife, SAHM thing, I came across her blog on google, while searching for "schedule for stay-at-home-moms." Once I started reading her blog, I couldn't stop. I was up late, many a night, mesmerized by this woman's conviction, resolve, humor and love for her family and home. I wanted that for my life! Once I realized that staying home was a privilege and a blessing, and that we should "purpose" to work as unto the Lord, no matter the task, then things started to turn around for me. Heather has helped me see that this work is "blessed" work. Yes, it can become mundane, and boring and can often seem thankless. But if we do it because we find joy and peace in the fact that we are the ones making our homes happy for our children and husbands, then that's all the thanks we should need (well, maybe a verbal one would be ok once in a while!).

Please go and check out Heather's blog. She's not only a gifted writer, but she takes those extra steps to search out the facts and the numbers so you don't have to. I know she takes a lot of pride in her blog and writes with a lot of integrity. She leaves you feeling well informed, whether she's talking about the monosaturated fat content in margarine, to how much it costs per load to make your own laundry detergent, to approximately how many diapers she saves from going into a landfill by using cloth, to the most effective way to sell items on Ebay, to the benefit of making food from scratch vs. prepackaged, to even telling you how she and her husband save for their kid's college! She's an incredible woman of God! And this blog is incredible! I hope all of you who read this (though you may be few) will please go and read Want What You Have. I'm sure you'll find something that inspires you!

So today, I'm thankful for Heather, from Want What You Have, because at a time when I needed help, the Lord sent her and her amazing heart to me. Although I've never met you, I love you as a sister in Christ and thank God for you!

What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for wonderful friends. I was just thinking today about what it means to be a "real" friend. I've always heard that sometimes when someone's circumstances change, so do their friends. I had never really experienced this until this year when I lost my job as a school teacher and could not find another one. Someone who I thought was one of my closest friends made the comment that I got to sit on my butt all day and draw unemployment while she had to go out and work. She seemed really angry at me instead of happy that this unemployment was a blessing (that I had to fight for) that would enable us to pay some bills and put some food on the table. Ever since then, she hasn't talked to me much or come around to see me or the baby. Funny how people put their own selfishness and judgements on others, even friends, when they don't fit their "ideals." I've never done anything to this woman, yet she continues to make comments about me being unemployed on public forums like facebook, to which I did not reply. It wasn't worth it!

So anyway, I'm thankful for those people who have no judgements or conditions for our friendship. I'm thankful for those people who exhort, pray for, call, write to, bless and encourage me. They don't want anything for me but happiness and they don't want anything in return. They do their best to make sure that I know I am loved! That's a real friend! And I love you all!

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for my husband!

I have been wanting to do a weekly "themed day" for a while now. One reason is because sometimes I'm at a loss for what to write about, and a day designated to just one topic will help me get something posted, at least one day a week. I'm thinking of adding another theme on Tuesday, so stay tuned.


But for now I've decided to do a "Thankful Thursday" blog posting. Gratitude is important in our lives because it helps us to stay positive and humble. Sometimes we get so focused on what's wrong that we can no longer see what's sooooo good about living in this day, and in this wonderful country of ours that affords us so much abundance and so many blessings.


So, I want everyone to get involved. Not only to encourage others, but to be encouraged yourself. Because when we have an "attitude of gratitude", then we really start to become a more content and positive person! Now, this could be more complicated with links back and forth and whatnot, but I'm not sure how to do all that stuff! So, for now, how 'bout you just comment on something you're thankful for on Thursdays. Read through them all and be encouraged! I will be too!


So today, I'm thankful for my husband and his willingness to work and provide for our family. He's always been a VERY hard worker and takes a lot of pride in the work he does. I've known lots of men over the years who, for whatever reason, just don't want to work! And to be honest, I don't have a lot of respect for these men. I'm very grateful that my husband loves us and himself enough to work hard and provide for his family. He has a very grateful wife and daughter! We love you!