Facebook Reflections...Some Things I Really Don't "Like"

I absolutely LOVE facebook. If I didn't, I wouldn't be on it so much. One day, I will do a post on what I love about it. But what was on my mind today was what I just don't "like" about facebook.

And usually when I'm reflecting like this, I'm feeling convicted about my own behavior. I have certainly needed a learning curve myself after these 4 years or so on "fb." I've said too much, been passive aggressive, put my political and personal views out there a little too aggressively, used fb to market businesses instead of building friendships, used fb to spy on people, have "friended" people from my past that I shouldn't have and have even had inappropriate conversations. I've gossiped, I've chatted inappropriately and I've not always been kind, thoughtful or considerate.

I've learned a lot of lessons the hard way.

And I know I'm not the only one.

Facebook can be a tool for good, or a tool for evil.

And whether we like it or not (or even see it), facebook is an extension of our tongue. When we type it and put it out there, it really is just like we strapped on a megaphone and blasted it all out on the loudspeaker of the world!

I've just observed so much nastiness over the years on facebook. A great deal of it comes from people who just don't know any better, but unfortunately, a lot of it has come from the people who DO know better (or who are supposed to at least) and are supposed to be the most full of love....the Christians. It breaks my heart to see my brothers and sisters get sucked into the drama and ugliness that can come from "social networking." And I've seen what damage it can do.

So here are a few of my VERY OPINIONATED views of what I see and don't like about facebook.

You immature people who are easily offended? Read at your own risk. :)

Passive Aggressiveness. 
Either be passive, or be aggressive. But don't be both. It's obnoxious. If you really do have a problem with someone, tell them in a private message or call them. Don't blast your nonsense all over facebook. It's nauseating.

The false sense that you really know these people you call, "friends."
This is proven when you actually see them in person and there's a weird awkwardness. Have you ever encountered this?  You spend so much time with people on facebook that you know the names of their kids, you know the last time they had a sandwich, you know if they're having marital problems, you know if they're happy, sad, lonely, angry, on vacation, where they are (if they "check in") throughout the day, you know their dreams, their accomplishments, their disappointments, their financial situations and their opinion on every issue under the sun. You know them like you do your best friend. Yet when you actually encounter them in person, in a real human way, there's such a disconnect, it's palpable. You know them, but you don't really KNOW them. I would love for someone to do a study on this. If you know of one, let me know. I'd love to read it.

I don't like knowing so much about people.
I really do believe in the old saying, "Ignorance is bliss," because I had a whole lot more love and respect for people before facebook (one of the reasons I often consider deleting my account on a daily basis and gettin' off of there). Now that we post about (I said "we" cuz I do it too) anything and everything we think, feel, see, taste, touch or smell and put it out there for the world to see, the world then forms an opinion of us that can not be undone.

I hate that I've lost real-life friends as a direct result of facebook
Yes, this is the worst one. Whether it be misunderstandings, or just how loose we've become with our words because we are in the comfort of our homes, behind the mask of a computer screen, how we talk to each other and about each other on facebook can and does affect our real life friendships, or can even burn bridges to those not-so-close friends. In my own facebook experience, my feelings have been hurt, trust and confidence has been damaged and one or two dear friendships have been lost. I was even "deleted" by one of my dearest and closest friends, while they maintained a "friend" status with my own husband. Ouch. So be careful out there. If you have a beef with a real-life friend, don't use facebook to hash it out because there can always be misunderstandings in what you write, as they can't hear the inflection of your voice, your tone, or the heart or meaning behind what you're trying to say. USE THE PHONE people (to talk, not to text)! Looking back, I wish I had.

I hate that facebook is becoming less and less private. 
Facebook changes their privacy settings  all the time. One minute you are only seeing your friends posts on your news feed, the next minute you see the friends of friends and their likes, comments, and shares. Everyone can pretty much see everything. It makes me question just what I should be putting out there and makes me cherish all the more my anonymity...if there is such a thing anymore.

I hate knowing what cowards people can be.
People have a whole lot to say and can say it as fast as their little fingers can type. But if actually confronted with the person they were blasting, they would NEVER say the things they do on facebook. To me, this is one of the most cowardly things I've ever seen...blasting people online, behind closed doors from your little laptop but being too chicken to actually tell them to their face. What a big, bad person you are! But we all know the truth. You are a coward. So please, think before you type. A good rule is, if you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't "say" it on facebook. And by the way...nobody's impressed.

My BIGGEST pet peeve about facebook! When "friends" don't use balance.
When "friends" you NEVER hear from EVER, all of a sudden show up in your comments and blast you when they disagree with you about something or just want to throw in their two cents but they never have anything positive or pleasant to say about anything else you post, it just really irritates me. A few months ago, I posted a perfectly innocent question about what readers thought about the topic of pastors going to see movies that were rated R and contained nudity, graphic sexual situations, extreme language and extreme violence. I asked this because I had seen several pastors post that they had seen a certain movie that was out at the time (rated R and known to be particularly bad) and they had shared different reactions to it...some LOVED it and some had to get up and leave because they felt so uncomfortable with the language, violence and nudity. I didn't offer an opinion, only posed the question, "What do you think?" And to my disappointment, people who I consider real friends came out of the wood works and I began getting those passive aggressive comments about how judgmental I was being and how it was really none of my business (and this has happened in other instances as well). I absolutely welcome good discussion and even disagreements. I love to hear all sides on an issue, and let people freely discuss in the comments (unless they start personally attacking each other, then I start deleting). But when people I know in real life NEVER make other comments on things I post, never "like" anything, never have anything nice to say or show any interest in me or my daughter or my husband or what I'm doing in my life, they never send a personal message just to say hi or offer any kind of encouragement, but they find it absolutely necessary to show up when they have something negative to say? I'm sorry. That just really disappoints me. You see, there has to be balance. Go ahead and disagree with me...even in a very spirited way, I'm up for it! Let's have a good discussion, or even a disagreement in love. But don't do it if you have no other relationship with me on facebook....especially if we know each other on a personal level in real life. Or if you think I'm out of line on something, and we're actually friends in real life, send me a personal message or better yet, MAKE A PHONE CALL. Have that discussion if you need to get something off your chest. But blasting friends in the comments section has nothing to do with "love." It really has nothing to do with real friendship either. If you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all. You really have no right to if there's no balance elsewhere.

I REALLY hate "pokes." 
They're just creepy. I guess I just don't get what they mean. I envision someone poking me in the rib or something like boys would do in middle school to be obnoxious. And that's another interesting point. I've never gotten a "poke" from a woman on facebook...only from men. I guess you boys just don't grow out of it.

When people blast others for their kids' behavior or try to tell others how to raise their kids.
Sure I've had my fair share of nasty things to say about kids (generally at the McDonald's play place!), but just lay off of how your facebook friends raise their kids. Do you not remember how hard it was for you to keep your own little darlings in line? And do you not have a memory about your own adolescent years? Don't you remember how obnoxious you were as a teenager or how you talked with your friends? Unfortunately the kids today have grown up with social media, so they don't know how not to act or talk on facebook (unless their parents are standing over them and scrutinizing every single post...my personal feeling is kids and teenagers shouldn't even have facebook pages for the very reason that they just aren't mature enough yet and often don't have a filter on their precious little mouths. But more importantly not for what they do, but for what others do that we can't protect them from...but that's my own opinion. You are perfectly capable of deciding what's best for your own child, and you will never hear a word fr om me on that on facebook...I promise). Don't you remember what a lying bully you were when you 3 way called a friend to get her to gossip about the other girl you had on the line? Don't you remember writing mean notes and passing them in class? Well, these kids do it too, they just do all their stuff out in front of God and everybody! It's a shame, but it's just the way it is. And it's just not "kids today." Kids have always been immature and acted foolishly since the beginning of time. So lighten up you hateful grownup. If you have a problem with someone or their kids, go to them in person like the mature, responsible adult you are.

People expect you to be there for them and get mad when you're not.
And this goes back to what I said earlier about having a false sense of "friendship." Facebook "friends" really aren't your friends. Facebook is a virtual world, and you live in the real world. You may have a few honest-to-goodness real life friends who happen to be your friend on facebook. But the other 1,132? They aren't your friends. So don't take it personally or hold them accountable when they're not there for you.  When you're going through a tough time and you're not flooded with messages, comments, etc, you begin to feel like no one cares. Then you rant about how no one really cares about you all over facebook. And let's just get real for a second. We only do that for attention, right? Seriously. You know you do. Before facebook, when you went through a tough time (when your cat died or your car got broken into or you had the flu or your spouse lost their job) were you flooded with calls, visits from friends, letters of encouragement, cards, notes? The answer is, "NO." You weren't. Because in real life, there are always going to be only a handful of people who reach out in love and show they care, if that many. That's just the way it is. People are people. They are not perfect...and the world does not revolve around you. So why on facebook, do you expect people to be any different or expect everyone to notice you? Only now, when you feel alone and disappointed, you blast it out for the world to see. If you get a few comments or messages, count yourself lucky and know you're loved whether or not anyone seems to notice. Take your hurts and disappointments to God. He always notices, He always cares, and He's always there. He's always the PERFECT friend!

I have a lot of beefs about how Christians use 

facebook...here are a few.

Christians who hold their unsaved "facebook friends" to some kind of holy standard.
I mostly see this from "baby Christians" (as the Apostle Paul would call them). Because if you were a grownup in Christ, you would have more grace for the lost and less "SMH" kind of judgement toward them and you wouldn't blast them on ill-thought-out facebook posts. If you have friends on facebook who curse in their posts, say lewd things, have political views that you don't agree with, post pics of themselves in a lifestyle that doesn't sit well with you or offends you, just HIDE THEM! I get it...you don't want to see all that mess every day. So get it out from in front of you. But what you don't do is go on some self-righteous rant about how awful it is that some people (I just know that when I see that phrase "some people," there's always some sort of self-righteous nonsense coming after it, Have you ever noticed that?) don't know how to act on facebook. But what do you expect? Did you know how to act before Christ? Of course you didn't. So why are you now so uptight toward your friends and family who don't know Jesus? The only difference between them and you is the cross. Only by the grace of God did you have a moment of clarity and saw your sin and asked Jesus to forgive you. So now, it's your job to PRAY for those people who just don't know yet...not judge and criticize them. How 'bout the next time you see a friend or family member cussin' and carryin' on in a facebook post, you send them a private message, or better yet, CALL THEM up and invite them to lunch or over to your house for a cookout or have their family over for game night or something. Develop a real relationship with them and pray for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom about when to invite them to church or talk to them about Jesus. BE A LIGHT to people and BE the love of Christ....not the person standing with the crowd with a big stone in their hand.

Christians who blast other Christians.
These posts usually start off with, "I can't believe some Christians..." Or they are mad about something or how someone treated them and they spew out, "....and they're supposed to be a Christian." Or, "Well, I know I'm not perfect, but I would NEVER do that!" Well there, you just said it. You're not perfect. So why do you hold someone else to such a standard? You may not have done that particular thing you're mad about, but you've done many other REALLY bad things, or thought about doing REALLY bad things and you know it. If you had any love in your heart, you'd forgive and COVER that person's transgression, not blast their wrong all over facebook just to make yourself look better or feel better.

1 Peter 4:8 says, 

"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."

"Most important of all" folks. Love will actually cover up what somebody did so that no one else ever finds out about it....and love will do it over and over again. You are the embodiment of "LOVE." If you are a Christian, you are "in" Jesus Christ! So love your brother or sister like He did. If they wrong you or you disagree with something they did or are doing, go to them like a grown up and have a conversation about it. Take up for them to others. Pray for them. Blasting your brothers and sisters on facebook does none of these things, and it certainly isn't pleasing to Christ who died for so much more than this pettiness. 

Christians with big mouths.

Do you know why there's literally hundreds of scriptures in the Bible on taming your tongue? Because God knows how destructive it can be and warns us over and over again to get it under control. So if you know you have an issue with this, and you just can't keep your mouth shut, and you're a Christian, you should probably delete your facebook account until you can learn to keep your hateful, spiteful, gossiping, whining, bickering, complaining mouth closed. Because you make the rest of us look bad and you're doing more damage to the body of Christ than you can imagine. And keep in mind, the Bible says that on judgment day, you (I) will be judged on every word, and that means the words that you are typing with your little fingers too. Remember what Jesus said about, "...if your right hand offends you, cut it off?" Kinda like that, but with facebook.

Sourpuss Christians on facebook
Again, if you're a Christian and a great big sour-puss, just do us all a favor and delete your account. You never have anything nice to say. You're easily ticked off, you are offended by the least little thing and you are harsh and critical to everyone. You are the person who has those venomous things to say when you don't agree with someone's politics. You are the one who is always griping and complaining about their job, how they feel, how tired they are, how depressed they are, how crappy the world is, how badly folks are treating you. You complain about bratty teenagers and have a mouthful to say about how people (especially Christians) should be raising their kids (when everyone knows your kids are the biggest brats of all). You never post about the beauty in things, you never have any encouraging words or anything nice at all to say to anyone else. If there was a "dislike" button on facebook, your finger would be sore from hitting it so much. You're just a sourpuss and you make the world a whole lot uglier. If you are a Christian (and I would pray about that if I were you), pray and ask Jesus how to start showing LOVE and ask Him to fill you with more JOY. Ask Him to help you see the world and people the way HE does. And for heaven's sake, get off of facebook with all your hatefulness 'til you and Jesus do get your sourpuss-self under control.

Christians who don't do anything but preach on facebook.
I know this one is going to be controversial and might ruffle some feathers, but let me explain....
I post A LOT of scriptures. I LOVE putting the word of God out there when He shows me something cool from the Bible that was a benefit for me, and generally, it's a benefit or encouragement to others (because they tell me so). And I talk about God A LOT! He is the greatest part of my life, so of course I would talk about Him on facebook. But if you ONLY post Bible stuff on your personal page all day, every day, people start to glaze over. Why? Because facebook is a "social network." It is a place where you get to know each other and socialize. If the only people you want to socialize with are other Bible posters, then you guys make a group page and post all day long about how much Bible you know. Like I said, the rest of us just scroll right past your bombardment of "scripture posts." If you are interacting with us on other personal levels, then when you do post something about the Bible, we are much more inclined to perk up and read it. But if we've never related to you, how do you expect us to relate to what you have to say about God? So Christian friend, don't keep yourself in a box. Interact with us! Comment on our posts, tell us your opinions on some worldly stuff (restaurants, sports teams, places you've visited, tv shows, movies), show us your personality a little, lighten up. Post pics of your family, your kids, your grand kids. Show us you have a life just like we do and that we can relate to you. Friendship is about relationships and other people. Preaching on facebook all the time is just about you.


So there you have it, some of my greatest pet peeves about facebook. Feel free to comment below. I respect what you have to say, whether I agree with it or not. But please keep your comments kind and respectful. Anything else will just be deleted. :)

15 Great Ways to Make Sure Your Husband and Kids Hate You

There is a great scripture in Proverbs that haunts me and puts the fear of God in me for sure and that is:

"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." (Proverbs 14:1)

It's sobering to think how much power we hold as wives and mothers to either build and admonish and create. Or to rip apart, break down and destroy. I wonder how many foolish women realized it a little too late? They struck the match and was astounded at how little time it took to burn down the house.

We can find the best example of the wisest of women in Proverbs 31. Now, this lady has it all together!

But then I thought to myself, "If wisdom builds a house and the 'Proverbs 31 woman' does it all right, what are the foolish things that a lot of modern women do that could potentially tear down their houses?" 

So here's my list of the top 15 ways to screw up your marriage, your kids, tear down your house with your own hands and pretty much ruin everyone's life and make them hate you for it (caution....sarcasm ahead!).

15. Nothing should get in the way of "me time" Make sure a good portion of your day is spent daring anyone to bother you because you need your "me time." It's okay to be selfish here. The house is a mess, the kids are screaming for something to eat, you haven't spoken to your husband all day, but when it's "me time" everyone else better respect it. It's not selfish. You give of yourself all day, so carving out some time for yourself shouldn't be such a big deal right?! If you're not spending at least 3 hours every day (during the busiest part of the day) locked away in your bedroom, or in front of a computer screen watching You Tube videos, or out at the mall, or shopping on amazon.com, or reading blogs, or watching soaps, or reading Cosmo, or with your nose buried in a book, you're just not doing enough for yourself. If you don't take care of you, who else will?

14. Be a complete drag. Yeah...never smile, never laugh, look at everyone like they get on your nerves all the time and they do everything wrong and make your life miserable. Everyone just loves a super- serious, bitter, hateful person. And living with one is especially great!

13. Be a bully Use emotional manipulation to get what you want. Be really loud and aggressive and just basically beat everyone down. And be sure to always get it your way. Everybody else's way is stupid, inferior, doesn't make sense and pretty much is never good enough for you. 

12. Always make sure everyone knows you're right You are right, they are wrong and make sure you let them know it. Make sure they feel extra stupid by belittling them and their ideas, that way they learn to just let you win all the time. Sorta goes along with #13...just be a bully.

11. Never say you're sorry. You're never wrong after all.

10. Withhold sex from your husband Nothin' like physical and emotional manipulation to really make a man pay! You learned way back how important sex was to a man, so you use it to your advantage and never give it to him. Besides, you can't let him catch you having a good time! 

9. Treat your husband like a child If he acts like a child, he should be treated like a child. So order him around, yell at him, withhold good things and your affection. Make him sit in another room by himself to think about all he's done wrong. He can't be trusted, so keep tabs on him all day, check his emails and his phone records and scrutinize his every move. You gotta train him right...let him know who's in charge!

8. Criticize your husband Make sure your husband knows that he isn't nearly as smart as you. Be a wise-a** all the time and make sure your tone is sharp and sarcastic. If he doesn't feel like a complete loser, you are doing something wrong.

7. Be sure to complain all the time Yeah...you hate Susie Cream Cheese. Debbie Downer is much more your style. So be a complete sour puss and whine and moan about everything you can think of. But chew out the first person who dares point out something they don't like about you!

6. Preach to your husband Make sure your husband knows what the Bible has to say about everything! Use it especially to point out his flaws. The Bible does say it can be used for correction, right? The house needs a spiritual leader, and he's a poor excuse for one. He doesn't pray or read his Bible nearly as much as you, so somebody has to do it. Never mind that the Bible says that he is the head of the house...there's no time for that. He needs a wake up call right now! And besides, you wear the pants and he and you both know it.

5. Be a total hag Never put on make-up or perfume. Never wear a dress that shows that you do have a body underneath that 15-year-old ratty t-shirt. Make sure you look like death warmed over (because that's how you feel after all) every day when your husband gets home from a hard day at work. That's a great way to greet him...looking like the walking dead! Never mind that it makes you feel good to get dressed up and fix yourself up pretty. But you don't feel good unless you feel bad, so that settles that. Besides, he should love you no matter how you look. So look (and smell) like crap!

4. Spend money like there's no tomorrow There's no guarantee of tomorrow, so why not enjoy your money now?! Avoid all your problems at home and have some retail therapy! Go out with the girls for a "girl's night" or have another spa day. You deserve it! The light bill is late and the kids need to go to the doctor, but you need a mani-pedi STAT!

3. Make sure your house is trashed and you feed your family trash When your husband comes home from a hard day at work, it's especially nice if you make sure he has to wade through piles of crap everywhere. If he has to dodge toys, books, and bags of cheese puffs strewn all over the floor, you're doing it right! Make sure he's not in the mood for sex by cluttering up your bedroom space with piles of clothes, piles of trash on the nightstands, piles of stuff on the bed that has to be pushed aside to even get into it. Also, be sure to never have a nice, hot meal waiting for him or your kids...that'd just be too much! Who are you, June Cleaver? Besides everyone likes frozen pizza and ravioli, or fast food  for dinner, right?

2. Seek out love, acceptance and excitement elsewhere...online is a good place Your husband's not giving it to you, and that's his fault! So stay online all the time! Sit in another room by yourself with your laptop and have at it! Sign up in chat rooms, play games, be who you've always wanted to be by turning yourself into a virtual character and playing with other people in virtual worlds. Keep up with all the drama and even engage in it on social media sites. Find old boyfriends on facebook and flirt with them to make yourself feel pretty and fun. You liked yourself back then after all, and he makes you feel cool again! Or better yet, find a completely new guy and flirt with him. Make plans to meet up with him...sorta like a date! Won't that be exciting! Make your laptop your best friend. Shew away the kids, sit your husband in timeout in another room and do your thing online. It's your me time after all...even if me time is all day, every day and you never look up from the screen and shut everyone else out by wearing your head phones....hey, that's their problem!

Image taken from: http://www.colourbox.com/image/woman-with-a-suitcase-on-a-road-image-2114699?ver=a&utm_expid=22365066-12&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

1. Give up and walk away Decide once and for all that you'd be better off by yourself. You won't have to deal with the kids all the time (the ex will have them 2 weekends a month), you can spend your money how you want (you'll be getting a big fat child support check!), you can do what you want, see who you want and finally be rid of that ball and chain you used to call your husband. He spent too much time working and not enough time on you, and you're going to make him pay! The kids will be fine, the finances will all fall into place once the court decides everything, it will all be fine. Anything has to be better than living such a hopeless, dull, unfulfiilling life with a man who is just not good enough. A man who just doesn't get you, attend to you, take time for you, make you happy, fulfill you, make enough money for you, isn't home enough for you, isn't a better dad, isn't a better spiritual leader, isn't such a loser. You and the kids will just be better off (they'll thank you later) by yourself. It's easy. Just walk away.

So there you go!

Those are some sure fire ways to make sure you raise angry, bitter, resentful kids who blame you for the wreck that is their life. And you'll also be a shoe-in for a messy, bitter divorce!

All you have to do is resent your life as a wife and mom. Be disinterested, discontented, ignore your family, think of yourself all the time, complain, convince yourself that your husband is no good, that your kids are fine making bowls of cereal for themselves for dinner every night and spending their days occupied by their video games and iPhones. Spend tons of time in fantasy, never take off your headphones or look up from your computer. Disengage completely with your family and put your needs and feelings before everyone else's. That'll just about do it. 

And if we're being real here, I would have to admit that I've done (am doing) quite a few of these. But I'm really good at NOT doing #11. In fact, sometimes I find myself apologizing all day because I just simply stink at being a good mom or a supportive wife. I have quite a few bad days. But they are only a few (thank goodness). I so want to do better, so I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect, but I try. I just need God so badly! I couldn't do this some days without Him! I'd tear my house down for sure!

Oh God! Please help me to never be the foolish woman who tears apart her house with her own selfish hands. Help me to see the truth in all that is good about my home, my husband, my children, my role as his wife and as their mother, and to not believe the lies that the world would throw in my face that somehow a life independent of them would be better. I can't think of a worse fate than to have my grown child(ren), having figured it all out, looking back at me with resentment, rage or even hate at what I did to their lives.

Oh God help me every day to do right by my family. I know I will never do it perfect, but please at least help me do it with YOUR HELP.

I'm a Morning Hag...

This is how I feel in the morning....

Like Grendel from Beowulf...

Like a junkyard dog...

Like the Wicked Witch of the West...

Like a venomous snake...

Like an evil old hag...

Like a prickly cactus...

Like a man-eating shark...

Like a zombie....

This morning, when my little girl came bouncing in at 7:00 a.m. (on a Saturday mind you), I exacted all the wrath of all of these terrible, fearsome creatures onto her. I was yelling and stomping around in a sleepy, growly, fumbling fog, ordering her back to bed. 

It was ugly. 

I felt ugly.

I had to apologize. 

My husband finally had to intervene and get up at that ungodly hour because I was in no mood to deal with breakfast or cartoons or opening my eyes. 

At 10:00 a.m. I finally arose to a fresh pot of coffee (saved by my man again!) and began to feel human.

(what is it about this black, magic elixir that soothes the savage beast  first in the morning? 

I'm not sure, but I sure do thank God for coffee)

This happens way too often and I'm so tired of feeling this way every morning. 

The beginning of a new day is an opportunity to start fresh, to enjoy the quiet, to thank God for his new mercies. 

But quite often, for me anyway, it's more like a, "Who gets their head bitten off first for waking me up?" start to the day. 

Not good for me, or the recipient of my hatefulness.

I know that I set the tone in my home and it's my job to build it up, or tear it down. Proverbs 14:1 says,

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

I don't want to be the one responsible for the tearing down of the people in my family. I want to work to build them up! They deserve better...

and so do I.

So, I'm making a proclamation...

I'm getting up early this week!

But getting up early starts with NOT burning the midnight oil writing books or writing blogs or surfing the net or reading, or watching old movies. 

To get up early, you have to go to bed early. It's nothing for me to stay up til 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, but I am committing to going to bed this week, no later than 10:30 p.m.

And I'm going to try my level best to get up by 7 or 7:30 a.m....hopefully before the munchkin, who is usually bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8 a.m. at the latest.

So here's the checklist...

1. Set coffee pot to brew by 7a.m. (after dinner the night before)
2. Go to bed by 10:30 p.m.
3. Set alarm clock for 7 a.m.

There...not so bad.

I will keep you posted on how this goes.

But it has to be done. 

Because who likes waking up to "Grendel" first thing in the morning? :/

Taking a Deep Breath...

I've got so much on my plate and on my mind that I feel like I'm paralyzed instead of invigorated. When I get like this, it's hard for me to even think . My mind feels cluttered and I can't focus on anything, let alone actually get something accomplished!

My pastor said something the other day that stuck with me that went something like this, "Satan pushes you, Jesus leads you." I feel rather "pushed" lately. And anytime you feel condemnation or guilt, it's not of God, but from your enemy. And I recognize this for me right now. I'm feeling so much pressure to do so many things that I'm not used to doing and I'm not allowing myself to acclimate slowly. I'm stopping this madness NOW.

This week, I am only doing things that I want to do and nothing more. And that doesn't mean laying on the couch eating bonbons either. I can't think of anything worse actually!

I want to turn on the radio in the morning, make a cup of coffee, pray, sing, read a little and be productive around the house.
I want to play with my daughter.
I want to do a little business, make some phone calls, reconnect with some folks and send some cards.
I want to have a hot dinner waiting for my husband when he comes home.
I want to fold clothes and get my laundry room organized.
I want to take 15 minutes a day this week and declutter my spare bedroom.


I do not want to be on the road every day this week. Gas is expensive, I want to be home and save money.
I do not want to do anything I don't want to do.
I do not want to complicate my life this week.

So here is my tentative schedule for the week, minus a few appointments I have....

Monday
Not going to go to my life group meeting, but am going to take the morning and get a running start on getting my home in order.
10-12am Work on tutoring paperwork and lesson plans.
12-2pm Put dinner together, shower, get G and myself ready to go
3-7pm Tutoring
10-10:30pm Listen in to team call for my business (can't wait to hear Jordan talk about his experience at the Oscar's tonight!)

Tuesday
8-9:30am Business networking meeting
9:30-10:30 Coffee with a member of our group
Rest of the day, work on folding and putting away the laundry

Wednesday
More of the same...working around the house.
3-4pm Tutoring
Home the rest of the evening

Thursday
Home all day

Friday
Home during the day
6:30-9:00 Group practice

Saturday
DAY OF REST AND FUN!
Church @ 6

Sunday
Coupon work
Lesson planning

I hope that getting my house in order FIRST will then allow me to feel a little less flustered and cluttered and I can get back to some other important things. But first things first. If my house isn't in order, nothing will be.

10 Things I Hate About Walmart

I hate going to Walmart. And here are a few reasons why...

10. The prepackaged "fresh fruit" has some sort of additive on it that renders it completely inedible! I bought fruit salad in a container the other day and there was some sort of chemical on there (I'm guessing to keep the fruit from turning brown) and it was so harsh that it burned my mouth! It wasn't lemon juice, that's for sure. But whatever it was, it made the fruit so disgusting that I couldn't even finish one chunk of melon. I threw the whole thing away, essentially throwing close to 3 bucks into the trash. Not cool.

9. They often don't have some of the grocery items I'm looking for.

8. When you need assistance, tracking someone down is nearly impossible. Why? Because you have to trek all over the gigantic store to find someone and by the time you've hauled yourself over to customer service, you forget why you even needed help in the first place.

7. None of the associates, except for the greeter at the front, even speak to you (for the most part. If you are that exceptional cashier or customer service rep. that is friendly, kudos to you...we notice!). Managers are especially unfriendly (and unavailable) in my experience.

6. The aisle (at my Walmart) that says "calendars and planners" has nothing but notebooks and Crayola paraphernalia and not one calendar or planner is to be found. In fact, I couldn't find a daily planner anywhere in the whole store!

5. Trying to dodge the plethora of people in motorized shopping carts. I'm not talking about those of you who truly need them...the handicapped, the disabled, the elderly. But in my experience, it looks like there are quite a few that do not and could actually use the exercise of walking around Walmart!

4. I hate that they now have an entire room, right by the door no less, full of those brightly colored rides and games. When I was a kid, there was like, one gum ball machine and one mechanical pony ride. Now they have whole rooms of "Chuckie Cheese-esque" rides and games? As if we didn't spend enough money on worthless crap? Now you want us to plunk quarters into those stupid machines? And the shameless part is you position it right by the door so mothers with children HAVE to pass it as they walk out. You know they just call out to little children, "Look how fun it is in here! Scream, NOW, as loud as you can, then throw yourself on the ground because you're not going to take another step until your mother agrees to bring you in here! She'll be so embarrassed, she'll do it just to shut you up! Do it NOW!!" Like I said, SHAMELESS!

3. Items are often not placed in a spot that would make sense to the customer. For instance in my Walmart (and all of these complaints are generally related to this particular Walmart) the cleaning supplies are not located in the grocery section. They are a few aisles over, where the household items are. You'd think they'd make life easier for us, the customer, by putting the cleaning supplies in an aisle that is convenient to get to while we're doing our grocery shopping. But no. Again, we're not fooled by the shameless ploy to lure us over into another section of the store to entice us to buy something over there.

2. It's too big!

1. You can never leave without spending more than you intended to!

Sad at Christmas (my heart's desire)

Christmas season has been very joyful for me in a lot of ways. I got all my decorating done right after Thanksgiving and the house has felt so warm and festive for weeks now. I also got all my shopping done in November, minus the crowds and hustle and bustle and haven't even had to think about shopping this whole season! I've been invited to sing at several different places, which always brings joy to my heart. I participated in a fun cookie swap (made almost 20 dozen cookies!) and a big ol' CRAFT DAY with my life group, among other fun, festive things. But one aspect has made me very sad and there's not a whole lot I can do about it.

You see, there have been so many in need this year. A lot of close personal friends or family who are out of work, who are struggling just to put food on the table, who just cannot justify spending extra on gifts for their kids, have really needed me this year and I just haven't been able to help.

This weighs so heavy on my heart. You see, I am a giver. If I can't give when someone is in need, it literally breaks my heart. The reason I can't do a lot about it is because we, ourselves, are watching every penny and since I'm not the one who works a full time job or manages our finances, I can't just give away random amounts of cash (although that's exactly what I'd like to do!).

But in my opinion, being on a tight budget is no excuse for being tight fisted.

I believe when we relax and open our hands, not only are we more free to give, but are then open to receive blessing back from God.

It's a promise. Luke 6:38 says, "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." That means that if you give with a teaspoon, you'll be given back a teaspoon in blessings. But if you give with a big ol' bucket, you'll be given a big ol' bucket's worth of blessing back. And while I believe a lot of that is monetary, I believe a great deal of that means that you have greater joy and peace. When you live with open hands and not clenched fists, and live with the mentality that it's not yours to begin with, it's all God's, then you experience a freedom that is unlike any other. Worry leaves you and you begin to trust your Provider to do just that...PROVIDE.

I don't worry much. I am one of those people that just trusts. It gets on a lot of people's nerves actually. But I can't find any other way that God commands us to be. He says to trust Him, so I do. He says that worry doesn't add a day to your life, so I don't. I don't see any middle ground. Am I perfect? No way! I still worry sometimes (I'm a mother after all) and sometimes I don't completely trust. But I will say that to worry about money is something I rarely do. God has proven Himself faithful too many times for me to do that!

Which brings me to why I'm sad that I can't give the way I want to this year. I haven't been trusting Him to bless my business and I haven't been working hard enough to see any of the seed that I've planted produce. I've been lazy. There...I said it. I've just been plain ol' lazy. And now, I'm seeing the consequence of that laziness.

The consequence is apparent when my small group leader calls and tells me that a member of our group has no groceries in the house and that the kids have no Christmas presents, could I give something to help, and I have to say no. Oh my gosh, that tears me up inside! It makes me sick and I feel so ashamed of myself. It's my heart's desire to be the BIGGEST giver I know and to not be able to give what I would like really hurts (although I talked to my husband and we were able to give a little to help). I want to be the one who can write a $500 check for her kids to have presents under the tree or fill up 2 big grocery carts at Kroger so that the family will have groceries in the house.

I don't just want to have a successful business so I can earn trips or a car or make a lot of money or because I want to pay off student loans or put on an addition to the house. Because it's not all about me, but it's about being used as a vessel for God to fill up and then pour out to others.

So I guess the next question is, how do a make sure I never go another Christmas feeling this helpless to, well, help?! I don't ever want to feel this way again.

I will ponder and pray on this for a few days and update you
on what ideas God gives me.

"Lord, bless me and make me a blessing!"

And although I have not been able to give the way I would like this Christmas, I did participate in our church's food and toy drive. I made up a box of nonperishable food and gave away an art set that I had bought for my daughter for Christmas. Our church had a goal to make up our city's food bank's 30,000 pound deficit. We had two weeks to bring in 30,000 pounds of food and fill a tractor trailer with toys. After the first week, it didn't seem like we would make it because there was only a couple thousand pounds brought in, but in literally the last hours of the deadline, ALL the food came in and the goal was met! It was an amazing miracle!

Check out my pastor's blog for pictures of that miracle and what
"Being Christmas" is all about!

Oprah, Gays, Jesus, Church, Love, Hate...a little bit of everything, but a WHOLE LOTTA PASSION!

So did you watch? I hope so. I love to see where a lot of you live, so I wanted you to see a glimpse of where I come from. Maybe you saw the landscape and the community which is mountainous and rural. Maybe you were outraged by the way the community treated Mike Sisco back in 1987. Maybe you weren't, I don't know. But after reflecting on this, not just the past day or so, but for many years, I would like to share my feelings on that show and how it shaped me.


Like I said in the previous post, I was a few weeks shy of turning 12 years old when the Oprah show was aired back in November of 1987. It was all the buzz around school and around town. See, nothing special EVER happened in our little town, so you can imagine how a nationally syndicated program like "The Oprah Winfrey Show" actually filming in Williamson, West Virginia had everyone talkin'! I remember that our teacher even let us have discussions about it. Two of Mike Sisco's cousins were in my class and they told of how people were really cruel to the family and treated them like they were all but lepers or something! I remember being very confused as to why?

The reason it confused me was because, as you could see from the show, the people there are of a very strong Christian faith. I had been raised on it myself! I'd heard, from the time I was very young, of how God loved everyone and anyone could come to him and that we were ALL just sinners who needed Jesus. So I didn't understand it when I heard these very same same men and women, some in my own family, utter the complete opposite! "They (gays) just need to be shipped off to their own little island so they can all just die off. That would get rid of that AIDS stuff!" Or, "I don't want them anywhere near me or my family, that sin is an abomination!" But my thinking was, "Wait, isn't ALL sin an abomination?" Even at 12 years old, this just didn't sit right with me. And being the adult I am now, I'm not a bit fooled by many of those VERY SAME church folks who sat in their cushy, little church pews, who had their own deep dark sins all masked nicely by that fake little church smile they had on Sunday morning. So what I didn't get and still don't get is how they could so smugly wag their self righteous finger at a man for his sin, when they had sins of their very own? Didn't Jesus himself saying that "those without sin cast the first stone" mean anything to these hypocrites? Obviously not!

So that was a turning point for me. I was very ashamed at how the people in my own town portrayed themselves. You could just feel the hatred through the TV screen! It's funny, you'll hear a lot of people say that the Oprah show portrayed THEM unfavorably. But she didn't hold a gun to anyone's head and make them say the nasty, hateful, mean, critical things they said, but in the next breath claim to be a loving follower of Christ, did she? Their own words made them look ridiculous, Oprah didn't make them look that way. Sometimes people can't see their own sin, but they sure are quick as hades to point out someones elses!

At the age of 12, after seeing my town portrayed on the "Oprah Winfrey Show," and seeing how unkind the majority of them were, I just knew that I didn't belong there and that as soon as I could, I would get out. I was so hurt by the contradictions. The "Christian love" they spoke about wasn't available to "all." It was only available if you fit into their mold, met their standard. As if saying, "Yes, you need Jesus and His love and forgiveness, but you just go find Him over there somewhere. Not here. I can't offer that to you here." But Angie, that man was GAY! We can't have homosexuals in the church house! That's an abomination to the Lord! So where are they supposed to find the love that can transform their life then, if not from YOU, the CHURCH, the BODY OF CHRIST? When did it become ok to qualify or disqualify folks from the love of Jesus based on their worst sin? It's all sin. None of us...not even one is good enough for Him. Not even you! Well, but Angie, he didn't want it. He turned his back on God and chose that lifestyle! And my answer is, "Well, how the heck do you know? Are you God? Can you see into his heart?" Yeah, he may say that he doesn't want any part of the church, but would you want to be part of something that flat out looked you in the eye and said that you "repulsed" them? Because remember, YOU are the CHURCH. I wouldn't want to be a part of something that didn't want me! Would you? But Jesus wanted him. And I know, because I was looking too, that he had to have wanted Jesus. We are all looking for that perfect, pure, unconditional LOVE that only Jesus can give. I know Mike wanted that. Because didn't you want that? Was he so different than you or I?

Anyway...that experience wounded me. I thought, "The Jesus I know wouldn't do that...He wouldn't treat that poor man that way!" He says to the weary, "Come to me and I will give you rest." And if Mike Sisco ever needed rest and peace, my goodness, wouldn't the point where he was inflicted with a terrible disease, knocking on death's door be the time? Who is Jesus' hands? His arms? WE ARE! THE CHURCH IS!

Imagine for a second.....

What would have happened if that angry mob had enacted the actual REAL love of Jesus Christ that day and gathered around Mike Sisco and his family and just loved on them? Hugged them? Embraced them? Cried with them? What if someone looked him in the eye and told him that their Jesus LOVED him? That their sin was no better or worse than his? That they had been changed by Jesus love and that he could have that too! Don't you think he would have been clamoring to get some of that? Man, I know I would!

But oh didn't satan have a victory that day. Instead of the majority of the people there acting in kindness and love and compassion and being generous with those things, they let satan steal a moment, when a town, on national television, could have shown millions the way Jesus would have loved on a sick and dying man. What an opportunity missed! It made me sad then and it makes me sad now. Soon after, Mike left his home and his family and maybe never came to a place where he asked Jesus into his heart. We will never know. But my feeling is that he was wounded that day too...maybe to the point of turning his back on Jesus for good.

How detrimental has "the church" been to the cause of Christ I wonder?

I wasn't exaggerating when I said that that show changed my life and how I viewed the world and my walk with Christ. I knew there had to be more to Jesus than what I had grown up knowing. The same songs, the same sermons, the same blue hairs sitting in the same ol' pews, the same prayers, the same judgmental eyes, the same people arguing over the same ol' budget and the same ol' building and the same ol' property. JESUS DIED ON THE CROSS FOR MORE THAN THAT FOLKS!!!! I knew that deep in my heart and I wanted to experience MORE! Because if God was infinite, surely there had to be more than, "Gimme that ol' time religion and it's good enough for me." It wasn't good enough! Religion never is!

And I praise God that I haven't taken anyone's word for it...that I've sought it out for myself. He says, "Seek and you will find..." and I have...I'm still seeking and learning more every day! It's those people who just sort of settle into their comfy pew and never seek ANYTHING that scare me. "For many will say to me Lord, Lord and I will say depart from me, I never knew you." Do they even know Jesus? Did the people who spoke out in anger and hatred to Mike Sisco in Jesus name know Him really? It's not my place to say. I don't know their hearts. But I will say that hatred and bitterness and fear are NOT of God.

So, those are my thoughts and feelings on the subject. Let me also say that there are THOUSANDS of AMAZING people there. That Jesus love is displayed in gorgeous ways by folks that I could only dream of being more like. Not everyone there is hateful, judgmental and misinformed. And I do not in ANY WAY think I am better than anyone. If you walk away from reading this thinking that, then you have missed the whole point! All I want is for us as a body to closely examine our hearts and ask Jesus if we are really LOVING the way HE would love. That's all.

My prayer is that God uses me to be His hands and feet, even in a room where it's not popular or even if I get shouted down. That I would be brave enough to speak up for those who can't speak for themselves. To show the "world" the REAL love of Christ and that because HE wants them, I want them too....because HE wanted me.

"23 Years Later: Oprah Returns to Williamson, WV"

TODAY'S Oprah show features the town where I grew up, Williamson, WV. I've talked a lot on this blog about my little hometown in the Appalachian mountains. So if you want to get a glimpse of where I came from, watching today will give you a really good perspective.

My hometown, Williamson, WV

Maybe you remember....

Back in 1987 my small town made national news because of a new, mysterious and terrifying disease called AIDS. A man who was known to be gay and who had the disease was found swimming in our public swimming pool, was subsequently thrown out and the pool shut down. Oprah came a few months later to do a town hall type meeting to discuss this issue. I remember rushing home from school (I was 11, about to turn 12) to watch the show at 4pm because it was of course, all the buzz around town. And two of the man's cousins were in my class, so I had already heard from them how the community were treating him and their family. Which, if you can imagine, was not very favorably or with much compassion.

Oprah in 1987 at a town hall meeting discussing
AIDS and the treatment of Mike Sisco
(pictured in the black sweater), after he was thrown out
of the town's public pool.

In many ways, the big event of Oprah Winfrey coming to town changed my life and my thinking, even at 12 years old! I will post more on this tomorrow after I see today's show. I'm anxious to hear how (or if) attitudes have changed about homosexuality, AIDS, how we handled the situation as a community and if people, in 2010, are remorseful for how they reacted and treated this man and his family.

Oprah back in Williamson, WV 2010
(Courtesy: Williamson Daily News)

Watch today and stay tuned for my thoughts tomorrow.....

My Secret (Indulgent) Wish...

I have a wish. It's a pretty indulgent, extravagant wish. I think those of you who are my frugal friends will gasp with astonishment and disbelief actually. But it is a desire of mine none the less...

I came to this realization today after making ANOTHER box of Hamburger Helper (that I burned), that I'm sick of Hamburger Helper and eating cheap, crappy food (no offense to those of you who love the stuff)!

I'm sick of clipping coupons too. I'm sick of picking up every single item at the grocery store and studying the price, wondering if I could find a better price somewhere else, or wondering if I should buy the name brand (that I like better) instead of the store brand which is a whole $.30 cheaper! ARHHH! It's maddening! I just want to be able to go grocery shopping and put what I want and like into the cart.

I want to be able to try fruits and vegetables that I've never tried before...even if they are $3.99 a pound. I want to buy the good coffee that's rich and flavorful instead of a generic brand that tastes like boiled tree bark. I want to buy the BIG box of Special K with strawberries, even if it is over 4 bucks. I just want to have to not think about EVERY LITTLE PENNY ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!

So, do you wanna hear it? My self indulgent wish is to be able to walk into a "Whole Foods" store and just enjoy picking out any and all the fresh organic fruits and vegetables and groceries that I want! To be able to peruse the grains and nuts bins and try different oats and grains and beans. And to get out scoops of the nuts that I like without worrying that they are $5.00 a pound. I want to buy fresh organic meats and fish, imported bottles of bright green olive oil, healthy snacks and cereals for my daughter and those yummy potato chips that are made with sea salt and fresh cracked, black pepper. Mmmm.





So there it is...I said it. I want to shop at Whole Foods and never even once look at the price of what I'm picking up! I know, "GASP!"

Actually, everything in me seriously rails against this fantasy. I was not raised to be self- indulgent or frivilous with money, or one of those people who don't look at price tags! I mean, who are those people anyway? They are the ones who are wasteful, crazy spenders. They could be using their money for something useful instead of blowing it on $4.00 bags of chips!

But, I don't want to care if the salad bar
is close to 8 bucks a pound...

...or that the olive bar is
close to 10 bucks a pound

Secretly guys, I long to be one of those people. I'm not talking about crazy shopping, plunking down my credit card at the mall every weekend. Or taking weekly trips to Toy R Us to pick out a little something for the baby. Puh-leeze! No, I'm just talking about buying the good stuff at the really good grocery store instead of cheap ground beef and boxed dinners where the strange yellow powder is considered "cheese."

Call me crazy, but that's my wish. {sigh} maybe one day......

I mean seriously...would you rather eat this?
(Blech!)



Or THIS glorious-ness?

******* I wish....I wish....I wish...********

Big Kids, Act Your Age!

Can I just share one of my biggest pet peeves with you?

Great.

Let me first say that I almost NEVER criticize how people parent. I believe in freedom and that we should be able to raise our children as we see fit without a whole lot of criticism and judgment from others. It's none of my business what you do, unless you're seriously abusing your child. Then, it would be wrong if I never did anything about it. But for the most part, I don't form opinions about others and the way they raise their kids.

But I'm going to let loose here and vent about an experience I had today when these prepubescent boys were putting my fragile little baby girl in danger! I have a real problem with parents who allow their children to do this...

I can't stand when I take my 20 month old to the mall, to those enclosed play areas for toddlers and small children, and there are big, rowdy, usually unchaperoned (and sometimes they are chaperoned...this bugs me the most) kids running and jumping around, amidst all these toddling babies and rambunctious preschoolers! Now, I can take it if there are a couple of 5 or maybe even a 6 year olds on the loose. But when there are 12 year old boys running and leaping and chasing each other and jumping over babies, this just infuriates me!

What makes me the angriest is when these parents, who actually have some toddlers running around, also allow their older child to do the same. You may ask, "Well, do you expect the older sibling to just sit there and watch while their little brother or sister plays? That's not fair." Well, yes I do expect them to. For one thing, it's posted very clearly on the "rules poster" that children over the age of 4 are not permitted in the play area. So, you're teaching your children to disobey the rules? You know, there are reasons for rules. One of which is, your big footed, 100 pound 12 year old running and jumping around could seriously hurt my unknowing little 20 month old baby! Parents, don't you have any common sense?

Just to let you know, there is NO ONE in that whole play enclosure that is just totally fine with your big ol' kid rowdily playing around their small child, ok? We are all seething underneath and whispering under our breath about you and why in the world you'd allow your child to do that. We are all giving you and your child dirty looks and just daring them to step on our baby, cause then all hell's gonna break loose! It's not totally fine, ok? It's wrong and inconsiderate and you need to tell them that they need to act their age and sit their butt down! Now, I have seen some older siblings carefully following alongside their little baby brothers and sisters, assisting them on the toys and making sure they don't run out of the enclosure, etc. And if they do forget, and get a little carried away, their parent jumps right in and reminds them that they're too big for that. I love seeing this! The older kids, acting their age and their parents acting like adults. But in my experience, the parents that allow this are for the most part on their phone or texting. They could care less what their child is doing. This is so selfish and bad parenting. Not only are you not watching your little one, you're not watching to see what the older one is doing. Or they just aren't present at all. Their kids are free to run around the mall unsupervised and they think it's just hilarious to kick off their shoes and romp around with the babies. Well, it's not going to be hilarious when one of them seriously hurts a baby, and your butt winds up in court.

So be an adult, be a parent, be considerate, have some common sense, teach your children to follow rules and don't allow your older children to play in the toddler play area!

Thank you.