Mostly...I'll Just Miss Her

I started this blog back in 2009. I was a new, stay-at-home-mom with a lot of time on her hands and a brain that felt like it was turning to mush. I needed an outlet! I needed SOMETHING! I had been working and going to school since I was 18 years old and at age 34 with a new baby at home, I felt sort of lost. So, that something turned into writing a blog.

And I'm so glad I did. :)

I've chronicled so many of life's events and adventures here.

Birthdays, anniversaries, moves, job losses, new jobs, new cities, firsts, lasts and a bunch of in-betweens.

But this week marks a milestone. 

My new baby that changed my whole world 5 years ago will now be leaving the nest and heading off into the big new world of elementary school! 

I have been an emotional wreck this week...I won't lie.

I've cried many tears and thought many things....a lot is swirling around in my mind.

Mostly...

I'll just miss her.

I've thought about all the smiles and giggles and laughs we've had. The tickle fights and the corny jokes only a preschooler and her mommy understand and have a chuckle over. I'll miss those.

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

I think, "Will she be safe? Of course she will, silly." I tell myself. "School is the safest place on earth!" And then I'm reminded of those Kindergarten babies who won't get to start first grade this year because school became the most unsafe place for them. But I quickly shake off those feelings because I'll go nuts if I don't, and instead I say a prayer for the parents of those sweet angels from Sandy Hook. I know they miss their babies.

I've thought about how it will all feel to her. Will she be afraid? School is terrifying when you're small and all alone with your hall pass, and the corridors to the bathroom seem so long and the ceilings so tall. Your stomach feels a little queasy when there stands a potential new friend and you're trying to muster the courage to talk to her. You don't exactly feel safe when you're asked to "leap" a hundred times a day into unknown waters when all you're prepared to do is dip in your big toe. I wonder how she'll handle all this...without me? I'll really miss being her personal cheerleader and holding her hand.

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

She and I have an understanding you see. She knows where my limits lie, and I give her a lot of wiggle room. I set boundaries, she tries to push them. I lay out parameters, she oversteps them. I allow her to grow and explore and push and pull where I feel she needs to. I understand her and she understands me. I've been with her nearly every moment since the moment she was born, and she with me. How could we not? An understanding such as we have only comes from the daily ploddings along together. From the stamping of little feet in protest to the quick turn of mother's head and the explosive twinkling in her eye that warns, "You better stop that this instant!" I'm going to miss our daily battles, our tugs of war...for better or for worse. 

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

Will everyone think she's as wonderful as I know she is? She has such a pure little heart. She has a temper. She loves to play and to laugh. She loves music and rhythm and loves to wiggle and dance. She's been reading for a whole year now and saying her alphabet and counting since she could talk practically. She's so smart and loves to wax poetic about her five years...all she's learned all she's seen. "Mommy, did you know that Jupiter is the biggest planet and it's made of mostly gas? But Mommy, what is a planet?" I'll miss her questions and our talks. I'll miss our lunches together and watching "Peppa Pig" together and making snorting pig noises. 

But mostly...

I'll just miss her.

My husband reminded me of something. "God kept His promise you know."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Five years ago when you so wanted to be home with your baby. He kept His promise and you've been with her until she started school...just like you prayed for." He reminded me.

And yes...so beautifully and simply put. "God kept His promise."

I'm on the other side of the prayer I prayed while my precious little one was still growing in my tummy. I had no idea if it would be answered or not, but content with His will alone...and I gave her to Him.

Wow.

So, standing on the edge of another season of unknowns, I will choose to trust once more, knowing with all my heart that He, who loves her infinitely more than I do, is so very faithful to us both.

Gabby, 16 months.

So, as I turn the corner on a new season in my life, I wonder where the time has gone. It truly goes by too quickly. Luckily, I've taken the time to record a lot of our daily happenings here, on this blog, and will continue to do so as my now big Kindergarten girl does class projects, wins awards, goes on field trips, and as I move on to whatever God has planned for me. 

I truly have such a blessed life. :)

Right out of bed! Bright eyed and bushy tailed!

One last pic before we leave for school!

Kisses at school.

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you, 

our little angel, Gabriella Joy. 

I'm going to miss you.

What Do My Dreams Mean?

Have you ever had a dream at night and for some reason you just knew it wasn't by chance...that it meant something? Was it a warning about someone or about an event or was it so vivid and so real that it shook you from your sleep and stayed on your mind for days to come? Or was your dream so powerful that it called you to action of behalf of someone else, or for yourself? Could it be that it wasn't just an accident but meant to be a help to you, or to someone else?

For the past year, I have been having some really vivid, out of the blue, strange sort of dreams. Well, I always have had crazy dreams, as most of you probably have, but I guess what I mean is over the course of this year, I've started to take notice. So much so that I've sought out Biblical teaching on the subject of dreams and have found some great and helpful information (video below).

I believe that God can speak to us through our dreams; give us warnings, alert us to unresolved issues in our hearts, and even give us clues to the future.

The only problem is, how to know what is what?

How do you know when a dream isn't just the effects of the spicy pizza you had the night before, or if it really is a message from the Lord?

The answer is faith. 

The world may tell us that our dreams are meaningless or to blow them off, but the Bible says otherwise. If you could ask Nebuchadnezzar if his dream was meaningless or just some bad hummus he ate the night before, I bet you could guess the answer! (Read the book of Daniel chapters 2-4)

Lately (albeit through very sleepy eyes, and a clumsy pen) I've had the faith to actually write down my dreams, and they are speaking volumes to me (your heart has a tendency to do that when you pay attention to it). A couple of those dreams I believe are warnings, or prophetic in nature, and others seem to me like a little knock upon the doors of my heart with a quiet voice saying, "Your heart needs special attention and prayer work done here." 

The Bible says in Proverbs 4...

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; 

for out of it are the issues of life."

All the issues of life are seeping out through the heart and into our dreams. So wouldn't it be worth the investment to pay attention to and write down what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you at night through your dreams? 

Proverbs 4 also says,

"Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."

Dreams are the heart's way of taking care of business while we sleep. These verses mean many other things, don't get me wrong (a WEALTH of knowledge in these verses!), but with regards to dreams, I believe they're simply saying, that paying attention to what's going on in the heart is very important, because everything that has to do with you is flowing out from it. Remember what Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks?" (Luke 6:45) Well, apply it to your dreams as well, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mind dreams." Just keep in mind that when it all comes down, the heart is responsible for everything that's going on with you from what you say, to your actions and even to your dreams. 

This teaching from the expert on prophetic dreaming, Mark Virkler, on the Sid Roth program is excellent! He teaches you how to accept your dreams by faith, to pay attention to them and  how to work along with the Holy Spirit in prayer to interpret them. I encourage you to watch and take notes!!! It will be an encouragement to you. 

What I'd Tell Myself if I Were 22

I looked down at my phone today and saw the date...July 25, 2012.

I realized that in 4 months exactly, I will be 38 years old. It seems crazy! I was just explaining to someone the other day that inside I don't feel nearly 40 years old. I feel more like 22 (haha...intentional Taylor Swift reference there).

Have you heard "22" by Taylor Swift? If not, here's the video...



Granted, I wasn't a single girl partying with her friends on the weekends and "falling in love with strangers" when I was 22. But I can identify with the lyric, "happy, free and confused." I had been married nearly a whole year when I turned 22. It was so fun to be out of the house for good, in a new city with my best friend and new husband. We had great times! But we were also feeling around in the dark a lot of the time, just trying to find our way. Everything was so new and yet so terrifying!

Us now...

What would Angie and Bobby in their mid-30's have to say to the two young love birds below?

Me and my honey, so young and in love.

 I was probably right at 22 here and he would have been 20.

Listening to that song got me reminiscing. I can't speak for my husband, but I do have a few things I'd like to say to my 22 year old self, 15 years later!

-I'd tell her to forgive herself NOW. 22 year old Angie was carrying around a lot of guilt and shame for mistakes from her past and had a hard time letting it go. I'd tell her that God loves her unconditionally and that the sooner she gets that, the sooner she can move on and live in the freedom Jesus died for her to have.

-I'd tell her that she was not a screw up. 21 year old Angie quit school and left her friends and professors in a pretty shameful way (just a few voice mail messages to some people who really cared about her...they deserved better). I would tell her that she was young, immature and while she knew she was being a coward by just taking the easy way, the truth is, it would have been too painful to look at the disappointment in their eyes, so she chickened out of doing the right thing. I'd tell her that it's okay, to let it go and to do better next time.

-I'd tell her NOT to trade in the paid for car from her parents for a shiny new car with a big ol' car payment (even though it was an awesome car!). That the less bills you have, the better!

-In that same vein, I'd tell her that credit cards were the devil! I'd tell her that she could trust God for what she needed and if she didn't have the cash to pay for something, she didn't really need it (I'd also tell her that student loans follow you around the rest of your life, and to try to pay for classes with cash!).

-I'd tell her to really, really, REALLY treasure her husband and start treating him with respect because he was just 20 years old and really struggling trying to figure it all out and needed that extra boost of confidence from her.

-I'd tell her not to use sex as leverage in her marriage. I'd tell her that those games caused deep feelings of rejection that would take years to heal.

-I'd tell her not to scramble, panic or try to figure it all out. She was always in a panic trying to get things done and trying to figure out the future. But there was no need for that. I would tell her to start learning to wait on God and seeking the Holy Spirit to let Him do the leading.

-I would tell her that she REALLY should start taking care of herself and making diet and exercise an important part of her life. I'd tell her that at 22 all she needed to lose was about 30 lbs, but at 37, she would need to lose 110! All because she has a bad attitude toward health and fitness. I would tell her that her 37 year old self would thank her for sparing her from joint pains in her knees and hips from being obese and carrying too much weight, from feeling exhausted all the time because she ate right and exercised. I would tell her to START NOW!

-I would tell her that she should NOT quit singing for anything! 22 year old Angie got discouraged and quit singing for the most part after she quit school, but I would tell her not to give up on her passion. I would tell her that if she keeps plugging away little by little that by the time she's 37, she would most definitely have a viable, thriving singing career.

-I would tell her that she's not disqualified! That although she made mistakes in her past, her past does not define her and that she can move forward with the dreams and goals God placed in her heart. 22 year old Angie thought that God was mad at her and took all her dreams away as punishment, but 37 year old Angie would tell her that is a lie and to cast that down!

-I would tell her that she has an enemy and that she has to stay vigilant a recognize his schemes and lies. That this enemy seeks to destroy her and her family, but that God has a better plan and through Christ, she is always the winner!!!

-I would tell her that she should finish college as soon as she can! It took 8 years to finish after she went back, but I would tell 22 year old Angie to make it a priority to just go full time and get it done!

-I would tell her to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE! As a 22 year old, she didn't save money EVER, but I would tell her that her older self would thank her because she had gotten into the habit of saving and had a safety cushion when hard times came. I would tell her that she would have a LOT of hard times and would be grateful for having put back some savings!

-I would tell her to grow up and take care of her business now! Young Angie never really kept a budget or knew what was going on with her finances. She didn't keep a detailed checkbook and spent money without thinking. I would tell her that these bad habits would get her into a lot of trouble and that she'd experience a terrible fleecing of her money...that it would always filter through her fingers like sand if she didn't get her house in order!

-And I would tell her that her husband really is a gem and will be by her side through everything and that Jesus is her best friend. I would tell her that they will go through a lot together and that her husband is her biggest fan and that he loves her more than anything. I would also tell her that Jesus is her reason for living. That she will never be satisfied until she gets one on one with Him and makes Him her everything. I'd tell her that Jesus is her promised land and the sooner she realizes this the better off she'll be because it will save her from wandering around in the desert searching for something that is already there.


And do you know what's funny folks? Reading through these, I'm thinking, "I bet the 52 year old Angie (52? Yikes!) would have a few things to say to 37 year old Angie. And it would be a shame if it was the same list!

I know what I do NOW will either serve me down the road, or be a detriment to me. Not taking care of myself is one example. What will my health be in 15 years if I continue the same way I am now with no change? I feel tired and run down, I can only imagine how much worse I would feel at 52 if I don't get it together! And money issues? I can either start saving NOW or be in a really bad place 15 years from now, getting older and older and older with less time to prepare for our retirement years.

So as I jot down some things the 37 year old Angie would tell the 22 year old Angie, it begs the question, "Will I learn from this so the 52 year old Angie doesn't wish she had taken better steps 15 years earlier?"

Gotta keep reminding myself that small changes over time make a GIANT impact!!!

What would you tell your 22 year old self? Or if you're still young, what would you tell your teenage self?  Are you still repeating the same patterns over and over, or have you learned some lessons along the way?

It's a good exercise in evaluating where you've been, where you are now and where you want to be.

Got An Unexpected Gift In The Mail Today!

Last night was a doozie!

My daughter rarely gets sick, so when she developed and ear infection a couple days ago, it threw us both for a loop. Ear infections are bothersome and certainly painful (I had one myself a few months ago), so I understood what she was going through.

Poor baby...I took this pic around 3am...mom and little G were both not looking for feeling very good. :(

She was literally up all night, crying from the exhaustion and the pain.

It was rough.

This morning, trying to get it together was rough.

So when I got a package in the mail, it was a welcome distraction and my mood perked up a little.

I had ordered some skin care products the other day, so that was what I was expecting to see when I opened the box.

But instead.....

I found a "thank you" card and BROWNIES!!!! WOW!!!

I did a favor for a friend earlier in the week, so to thank me, she sent me a gift. I was nearly in tears it made me feel so good inside (thank you Jane!).

On a day like today, I really needed to know someone cared.

The card and brownies were from Send Out Cards, an online greeting card and gifting service. Instead of running down to the Hallmark store or to Walmart for a card, a gift, then to the post office to post it and mail it out, this company has made it easy and affordable to just send cards and gifts from the comfort of your own home. They put it all together and mail it for you. "Click and order" again replacing "brick and mortar."

I have been sort of a "prodigal son" when it comes to Send Out Cards. Because they are a network marketing company, I signed on as a distributor and was building my own business with them. But I had been attracted to newer, flashier businesses that promised quick sales and big money, and I stepped away from Send Out Cards.

However, I found the other company to be pushy, and about things that are surface and superficial to me (not saying they are superficial in general, just superficial to me). So my interest in them faded quickly. But I never forgot Send Out Cards and longed to be a part of it again. The funny thing is, I had been seriously considering coming back to my first love and promoting that "culture of giving" like I used to do.

You see, I naturally enjoy encouraging people. And as proved to me today, nothing lifts the spirits more than receiving an unexpected card in the mail. And I quickly realized why I joined up with Send Out Cards in the first place. I love the message about giving not to get, but just giving for the sake of giving. And I LOVE the people in this company. ALL are givers at heart and the most positive happy people in the world to be around!

I just wanted to quickly share how that card made me feel today...to know that someone appreciates you and cares about you is just priceless. And it makes me just want to pay it forward....to make someone else's day. 

If you're interested in starting this journey of giving with me, email me at angiehowardmusicatgmaildotcom or visit my Send Out Cards web page to learn more and let's chat! :)

(LOVE THIS COMPANY!!!!)

15 Great Ways to Make Sure Your Husband and Kids Hate You

There is a great scripture in Proverbs that haunts me and puts the fear of God in me for sure and that is:

"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." (Proverbs 14:1)

It's sobering to think how much power we hold as wives and mothers to either build and admonish and create. Or to rip apart, break down and destroy. I wonder how many foolish women realized it a little too late? They struck the match and was astounded at how little time it took to burn down the house.

We can find the best example of the wisest of women in Proverbs 31. Now, this lady has it all together!

But then I thought to myself, "If wisdom builds a house and the 'Proverbs 31 woman' does it all right, what are the foolish things that a lot of modern women do that could potentially tear down their houses?" 

So here's my list of the top 15 ways to screw up your marriage, your kids, tear down your house with your own hands and pretty much ruin everyone's life and make them hate you for it (caution....sarcasm ahead!).

15. Nothing should get in the way of "me time" Make sure a good portion of your day is spent daring anyone to bother you because you need your "me time." It's okay to be selfish here. The house is a mess, the kids are screaming for something to eat, you haven't spoken to your husband all day, but when it's "me time" everyone else better respect it. It's not selfish. You give of yourself all day, so carving out some time for yourself shouldn't be such a big deal right?! If you're not spending at least 3 hours every day (during the busiest part of the day) locked away in your bedroom, or in front of a computer screen watching You Tube videos, or out at the mall, or shopping on amazon.com, or reading blogs, or watching soaps, or reading Cosmo, or with your nose buried in a book, you're just not doing enough for yourself. If you don't take care of you, who else will?

14. Be a complete drag. Yeah...never smile, never laugh, look at everyone like they get on your nerves all the time and they do everything wrong and make your life miserable. Everyone just loves a super- serious, bitter, hateful person. And living with one is especially great!

13. Be a bully Use emotional manipulation to get what you want. Be really loud and aggressive and just basically beat everyone down. And be sure to always get it your way. Everybody else's way is stupid, inferior, doesn't make sense and pretty much is never good enough for you. 

12. Always make sure everyone knows you're right You are right, they are wrong and make sure you let them know it. Make sure they feel extra stupid by belittling them and their ideas, that way they learn to just let you win all the time. Sorta goes along with #13...just be a bully.

11. Never say you're sorry. You're never wrong after all.

10. Withhold sex from your husband Nothin' like physical and emotional manipulation to really make a man pay! You learned way back how important sex was to a man, so you use it to your advantage and never give it to him. Besides, you can't let him catch you having a good time! 

9. Treat your husband like a child If he acts like a child, he should be treated like a child. So order him around, yell at him, withhold good things and your affection. Make him sit in another room by himself to think about all he's done wrong. He can't be trusted, so keep tabs on him all day, check his emails and his phone records and scrutinize his every move. You gotta train him right...let him know who's in charge!

8. Criticize your husband Make sure your husband knows that he isn't nearly as smart as you. Be a wise-a** all the time and make sure your tone is sharp and sarcastic. If he doesn't feel like a complete loser, you are doing something wrong.

7. Be sure to complain all the time Yeah...you hate Susie Cream Cheese. Debbie Downer is much more your style. So be a complete sour puss and whine and moan about everything you can think of. But chew out the first person who dares point out something they don't like about you!

6. Preach to your husband Make sure your husband knows what the Bible has to say about everything! Use it especially to point out his flaws. The Bible does say it can be used for correction, right? The house needs a spiritual leader, and he's a poor excuse for one. He doesn't pray or read his Bible nearly as much as you, so somebody has to do it. Never mind that the Bible says that he is the head of the house...there's no time for that. He needs a wake up call right now! And besides, you wear the pants and he and you both know it.

5. Be a total hag Never put on make-up or perfume. Never wear a dress that shows that you do have a body underneath that 15-year-old ratty t-shirt. Make sure you look like death warmed over (because that's how you feel after all) every day when your husband gets home from a hard day at work. That's a great way to greet him...looking like the walking dead! Never mind that it makes you feel good to get dressed up and fix yourself up pretty. But you don't feel good unless you feel bad, so that settles that. Besides, he should love you no matter how you look. So look (and smell) like crap!

4. Spend money like there's no tomorrow There's no guarantee of tomorrow, so why not enjoy your money now?! Avoid all your problems at home and have some retail therapy! Go out with the girls for a "girl's night" or have another spa day. You deserve it! The light bill is late and the kids need to go to the doctor, but you need a mani-pedi STAT!

3. Make sure your house is trashed and you feed your family trash When your husband comes home from a hard day at work, it's especially nice if you make sure he has to wade through piles of crap everywhere. If he has to dodge toys, books, and bags of cheese puffs strewn all over the floor, you're doing it right! Make sure he's not in the mood for sex by cluttering up your bedroom space with piles of clothes, piles of trash on the nightstands, piles of stuff on the bed that has to be pushed aside to even get into it. Also, be sure to never have a nice, hot meal waiting for him or your kids...that'd just be too much! Who are you, June Cleaver? Besides everyone likes frozen pizza and ravioli, or fast food  for dinner, right?

2. Seek out love, acceptance and excitement elsewhere...online is a good place Your husband's not giving it to you, and that's his fault! So stay online all the time! Sit in another room by yourself with your laptop and have at it! Sign up in chat rooms, play games, be who you've always wanted to be by turning yourself into a virtual character and playing with other people in virtual worlds. Keep up with all the drama and even engage in it on social media sites. Find old boyfriends on facebook and flirt with them to make yourself feel pretty and fun. You liked yourself back then after all, and he makes you feel cool again! Or better yet, find a completely new guy and flirt with him. Make plans to meet up with him...sorta like a date! Won't that be exciting! Make your laptop your best friend. Shew away the kids, sit your husband in timeout in another room and do your thing online. It's your me time after all...even if me time is all day, every day and you never look up from the screen and shut everyone else out by wearing your head phones....hey, that's their problem!

Image taken from: http://www.colourbox.com/image/woman-with-a-suitcase-on-a-road-image-2114699?ver=a&utm_expid=22365066-12&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

1. Give up and walk away Decide once and for all that you'd be better off by yourself. You won't have to deal with the kids all the time (the ex will have them 2 weekends a month), you can spend your money how you want (you'll be getting a big fat child support check!), you can do what you want, see who you want and finally be rid of that ball and chain you used to call your husband. He spent too much time working and not enough time on you, and you're going to make him pay! The kids will be fine, the finances will all fall into place once the court decides everything, it will all be fine. Anything has to be better than living such a hopeless, dull, unfulfiilling life with a man who is just not good enough. A man who just doesn't get you, attend to you, take time for you, make you happy, fulfill you, make enough money for you, isn't home enough for you, isn't a better dad, isn't a better spiritual leader, isn't such a loser. You and the kids will just be better off (they'll thank you later) by yourself. It's easy. Just walk away.

So there you go!

Those are some sure fire ways to make sure you raise angry, bitter, resentful kids who blame you for the wreck that is their life. And you'll also be a shoe-in for a messy, bitter divorce!

All you have to do is resent your life as a wife and mom. Be disinterested, discontented, ignore your family, think of yourself all the time, complain, convince yourself that your husband is no good, that your kids are fine making bowls of cereal for themselves for dinner every night and spending their days occupied by their video games and iPhones. Spend tons of time in fantasy, never take off your headphones or look up from your computer. Disengage completely with your family and put your needs and feelings before everyone else's. That'll just about do it. 

And if we're being real here, I would have to admit that I've done (am doing) quite a few of these. But I'm really good at NOT doing #11. In fact, sometimes I find myself apologizing all day because I just simply stink at being a good mom or a supportive wife. I have quite a few bad days. But they are only a few (thank goodness). I so want to do better, so I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm not perfect, but I try. I just need God so badly! I couldn't do this some days without Him! I'd tear my house down for sure!

Oh God! Please help me to never be the foolish woman who tears apart her house with her own selfish hands. Help me to see the truth in all that is good about my home, my husband, my children, my role as his wife and as their mother, and to not believe the lies that the world would throw in my face that somehow a life independent of them would be better. I can't think of a worse fate than to have my grown child(ren), having figured it all out, looking back at me with resentment, rage or even hate at what I did to their lives.

Oh God help me every day to do right by my family. I know I will never do it perfect, but please at least help me do it with YOUR HELP.

Observing Memorial Day: "Making Your Home Sing" Meme

Today I'm linking up with my friend Nan's Monday meme, "Making Your Home Sing."  at "Mom's the Word."

Lots of you are probably observing Memorial Day, as we are. Later, I'm going to oblige my husband by allowing him cook me dinner for a change. Yay! Of course, cooking dinner means he's going to be using the grill. But that's all right with me. He can grill me up some steaks any time! His steaks and burgers are the best!

I'm really grateful that we have the freedom to enjoy our family and the fruit of our labors in relative peace. The world is an ugly place, but America is still the greatest nation in the world. We are not a perfect country and we have our dark spots as well, but there are still people, all over the globe who try, hand over fist to get here any way they can because they believe what we already know...that this is still the land of opportunity and America is a place where dreams can come true!

So, today, I'm making my home sing by saying a prayer for all of the armed forces who sacrifice their very lives to make our country safe and peaceful, and I'm teaching my daughter to do the same. This country is only as good as the next generation and we have to teach them the importance of gratitude and the sacrifices we all have to make for freedom.

How are you making your home sing on this Memorial Day?

Image taken from http://www.hdwallpapers3d.com/memorial-day-2013/

Using Whatcha Got

This morning I decided to take a walk.

Now, understand, I don't live in a typical neighborhood where there's safe streets and sidewalks. I live in an apartment and the only place to walk is basically a parking lot. The road that runs by our building is on the side of a mountain, is very winding, and there are a lot of blind curves for cars. So, there's no way I'm getting out there! 

But today I decided to quit complaining and quit looking at all the obstacles and just do something. The truth is, I need to exercise, so I found a way. 

I may not have a track or sidewalks or a neighborhood or a gym, but I do have a parking lot where my daughter can go with me. So I put on some tennis shoes and we walked in circles, around the parking lot for 20 minutes. It was actually kind of nice. There are some inclines, and a steep hill that goes up by the road, and you can even walk behind the apartments along the edge of the woods. It was so nice, I think I may even do it tomorrow!

So, the lesson was to not focus on what I can't do, but focus on what I can do. And what I can do is walk around the parking lot! 

My house is the only one with a wreath on the door...gotta keep it pretty!

You Can't Wring Your Hands With Worry, If You Do This One Thing

Tonight was AWESOME!

At our new church (New Life Church), we had the first night of our women's conference and Pastor Bonnie Huffman BROUGHT IT tonight!

Her talk was titled, "Stand, Fight, Win!" It was very encouraging, very uplifting and solidified some things I have been hearing from the Lord myself about not laying down and taking the whoopin' the enemy has been putting on my life this year...God's been calling me to FIGHT like the WINNER I AM!

During Pastor Bonnie's closing prayer, God gave me a vision of someone who is constantly wringing their hands with worry, who lives their life tied up in knots, and He gave me a word of wisdom about it that I share in this YouTube video. I hope you'll watch and be encouraged!



A couple thoughts....

Worrying is YOU telling GOD, "NO THANK YOU, I AM GOING TO DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN." And you know what? He will absolutely let you do it all on your own if that's what you want. But I promise, surrendering to your loving Father and casting your cares on Him is what you were made for. You were never meant to shoulder the burden. But He's a gentleman and He'll let you have it your way as long as you want. But there is a better way....HIS WAY. It always is. :)


Please leave a comment or email me (my address is on the right) and let me know if I can pray for you.

God Knows Before You Do

I have been desperately in need of encouragement lately. If you haven't been keeping up with my blog, then I'll fill you in on a few things...

-We have relocated to a different state because my husband found a great job after being unemployed for 6 months.

-Our beautiful house in Kentucky has had 3 different contracts on it, from 3 different buyers, and ALL of them have fallen through for one reason or another and is currently in foreclosure.

-We now live in an apartment which we haven't done since we were in our early 20's, which has hurt our pride a bit. The place is spacious, but that space comes with 3 floors which have been really hard on my knees. Going up and down stairs all day is exhausting and I've been less than grateful for the new digs. Resentful sums it up a little better.

-My husband's car is out of commission and we haven't been able to afford to fix it yet. Being down to one car keeps me home every single day....not fun.

-All in all, I'm really lonely.

-I've been pretty sad for long time.

-I've felt like God has forgotten me.

But just when things have seemed their darkest, GOD HAS SHOWN UP! He has let me know in subtle and not so subtle ways that He sees me, He hears me and He has certainly NOT forgotten about me.

And the Holy Spirit spoke this to me through the story of Adam in the garden.

No one can encourage you like the Holy Spirit!

Check out this video to hear the rest of the story.....

A Day in the Life of ME...A SAHM's Daily Routine and a Home Tour!

So as promised, I finally got to work making some You Tube videos for you! I didn't really know what to start off with, so in PUT IT ALL OUT THERE FASHION as I tend to do, I decided to let you see me first thing in the morning, see my house (apartment), my messes, my unpacked boxes (2 months later), my laundry, and you get to see my heart a little as well...oh, and you get to see me right out of the shower looking truly unbelievable...and not in a good way (i.e. red, blotchy skin, hair in a towel, etc.).

But this is me ya'll. If you know me, you know I don't hold back and I keep it REAL!

But really, is there any other way to be?

So there are 9 (yes, count them, 9) videos in all that cover my day and routines (or lack thereof) from waking up to going to bed. I will share one of them here for you, but if you'd like to see the rest, visit my You Tube channel here....
Please like and subscribe to my You Tube channel...it would mean so much!!! :)

Enjoy....

Supporting a Brother in Christ in His Music Ministry

Tonight I went to hear my bro in Christ, Elijah Rogers sing at a venue/ministry called KYOVA. He was really amazing! It's important to me to support my friends, so every chance I get to be there for them, I will!

Elijah and I sang together in our former group Crossfire. But, due to my moving, and his living so far away to begin with, we both stepped away from the group. It was a tough decision to make, but one that was best for me and my family. He jumped right back into singing, moving forward with recording a solo CD and booking places to sing like crazy! Me, on the other hand, I've been much more cautious. When you're a wife and a mom, those obligations take priority, so I haven't wanted to do anything that would be a hardship on my family. We've had enough stress, what, with the my husband's job loss and the move and all. I just want to be careful, that's all...do things in God's perfect timing.

But back to Elijah and KYOVA. First of all, Elijah really shines as a solo tenor. He has a very unique testimony (he has a child with autism and is a very young husband and father) and shares so beautifully how God has "brought him through the fire" many times. He gets the crowd going and really ministers...that is truly a gift (check out his website HERE)!

And I just love KYOVA, which stands for "Kentucky Ohio Valley Association" (I think). It is a ministry that provides a place for Christian folks to go every Friday night to enjoy food, fellowship and music. Each Friday night, they have a crowd of around 200 or more! It's incredible! Sometimes it's standing room only!!! The dinner is around 5 bucks and the entertainment is free. They give away door prizes and everyone just has a good time hanging out. I think it's just great. Every little town needs a ministry/venue like that to give folks a place to get out of the house and enjoy the company of others.

I sure enjoyed a night of good ol' gospel singin' and the company of these brothers! Me, Pastor Dale (Elijah's pastor from their church, Lighthouse Baptist in Shelbiana, KY...man, they are gettin' people saved and baptisin' like crazy over there!) and Elijah.

And the dinner they served! UH-MAY-ZING! I was expecting a hot dog or a burger, but they had full-on soup beans, fried potatoes, kraut, cornbread and home made cobblers and pies. It was incredible (thanks Pastor Dale for dinner!). I highly encourage you, if you live in the Huntington/Ashland area to check it out (take your grandparents...they'd love it!).

And have Elijah Rogers come sing at your church or event sometime. You will be blessed!

Working With Your Strengths and Doing Something a Little Different

I have been praying a lot about what God wants me to do in this new season of my life. When you move, whether you like it or not, you are thrown into a sort of "defacto" new season. I think when my daughter goes to school in the fall, that will be an even NEWER season, but that's still a few months away. So, in a new season I am, and I'm wondering what in the world I can do with my life right now that is meaningful to me and the Kingdom (and yes, being a wife and a mom is meaningful, but God is calling me to do other things right now too).

For a while there (several weeks) I was looking at what I didn't have (i.e. a car, lots of extra cash, etc.) and what I couldn't do, but lately I've been praying about what I CAN do. And again, I'm lead to the internet.

I have been a little concerned with having a large presence online, especially for my daughter. So many people have access to personal pictures of my family, my personal thoughts, and a lot of my personal information (where I live, etc.). But when it all comes down to it, I set it up that way, so I can't complain about it. The world is the way it is (pretty evil) and other than remove myself from the web completely and pray, there's really not much I can do but be careful and watchful.

So after serious contemplation and prayer about whether or not to get offline completely, I have decided against it. The world needs Christians online. There's so much garbage on the internet...it makes my stomach turn to know some of the things you can do and see online, but as Christians, I believe we can counter it! We can pray and we can share THE WORD of GOD and the HOPE in JESUS CHRIST! So, I'm here to stay, but now, I'm EXPANDING!!!!!

As I have prayed, I've asked the Lord to show me where my strengths lie and how I can use them for Him and as a blessing to the Body.

Here's what I'm NOT going to do....

I'm not going to focus on how to keep a tidy house and offer organizational tips, because, that ain't my gift ya'll! ha!

I'm not going to blog about how to manage your finances and live a frugal life...not my strength either.

I'm not going to make this a "foodie" blog, although I may post recipes sometimes, because I enjoy cooking, but it's not my passion.

And while I may post encouragements on exercise and eating right (because I'm working on that myself right now), I'm not going to school you in those areas. Again, not my strength (for now).

But here is what I AM going to do...

I am going to offer to pray for you (look for a link to the right to post prayer requests).

I am going to be an encouragement to you.

I am going to start making videos (something new for me) that offer my insights on the Bible and living the Christian life and whatever else I decide to talk about.

I am going to write posts that speak honestly and openly about my struggles as well as my victories.

And I am going to sing!!!! If not for anyone else, as a praise to Jesus!

So, instead of focusing on what I DON'T have to be able to minister to people, I'm choosing to focus on what I DO have, which is the internet, and I'm gonna work the heck out of it for the Kingdom of God! ha!

Stay tuned!!!! And if you have prayer requests, please leave them in the comment section below, or email me... angieacapella@gmail.com

Blessings to you all!!!!

Is There Anything Dirtier Than a Thief?!

Around my area, there have been a rash of thefts going around. Luckily, I've spent most of my life naive to this, because I had not experienced thievery in my circles. But in the past few years, I have. And it infuriates me!

My sweet little grandmother had her wallet stolen right out of her purse in a Kmart by a lady that had chatted her up. When my grandmother turned her head, the lady snatched it and took off.

My uncle and aunt had some Christmas gifts stolen one night from their parked car, right outside their bedroom window. And their neighbor had their truck stolen. It was later found; trashed of course.

The hotel that my husband will be managing soon, is under construction. And twice in one week, thieves came in and stole 2 large rolls of copper wiring. This theft cost upwards of $10,000 and set construction back 2-3 weeks. The thieves also took a crowbar to a brand new, electronic-type door and destroyed it. That door alone will cost $15,000 to replace. They had to hire security guards which was an additional expense for the company and now everyone is on edge, worrying about what could happen next!

We had our bank account wiped out by identity thieves in Mexico and I've had my car broken into a couple of times as well. I didn't find anything missing, but just knowing that some stranger had the nerve to open up my car and rifle through my belongings was extremely unnerving and unsettling!

Image take from: http://www.amitbhawani.com/blog/prevent-laptops-from-getting-stolen/

Thieves are the lowest of the low in my opinion (well, right down there with people who abuse children). They don't just take our stuff...stuff can be replaced. But what thieves take are things not so easily replaced. They snatch our peace. They swipe our good faith in people. They take away our sense of security. And what they leave behind is fear, resentment, bitterness, and a preoccupation with having to always be careful, instead of feeling just free to go about your life. They are thoughtless, selfish, underhanded liars who creep around dark corners or mislead trusting little old ladies in broad daylight. They ruin lives and take things they didn't earn. All for what? A buck? A thrill?

But while I can't stand a dirty thief, it occurred to me today that Jesus actually hung on a cross between two of them. My perfect, sinless Jesus placed himself between the lowest of the low and died right along side them. What does that say about Jesus? What does that say about me? I think it says that His grace is boundless and mine is limited (among other things). I know it says that His love and mercy is for EVERYONE. And even with His last few dying breaths, He was still trying to win the lost. So often, I place people into categories and put up my walls, when Jesus bids ALL to come.

I AM THE THIEF!

Instead of freely giving of the love of Jesus to ALL, I often steal it away and hoard it for myself, or for those I deem worthy enough to have it. And that theft could mean someone's eternity...something that cannot be replaced.

My question was, "Is there anything dirtier than a thief?" But I think the answer is, "Compared to Jesus, is there anyone dirtier than me?" And the answer is no....there isn't.

Thank you, sweet, precious Jesus for your sacrifice and for your example. Forgive me for withholding Your love. Help me, the chiefest of sinners, to share freely with ALL.

Image taken from:http://m611martin.deviantart.com/art/Forgive-As-Jesus-Forgives-Us-290024430

A Day of Mindless Eating

Do you ever have those days when you just eat, and eat, and eat, and eat.....and eat some more? You really don't even think about it, you just stuff your face full of food? Sadly, I have those days more times than I'd like to admit.

Today on facebook I posted that I'd had a nice lunch of salmon, and that I had a really great apple for a snack later this evening, but as I reflected on this, I realized the picture I painted was one of health and good choices. But looks are often deceiving.

Yes, I did have salmon and apples today, but I also had a LOT of junk. I began to think, "You big faker! You need to tell the truth!" ha!

So, in an effort to "keep it real," because I HATE hypocrisy and being fake with you and myself, I decided to put it all out there...to let you see what ELSE I've eaten today.

If you read this blog, you know that eating too much is one of those nagging issues I have yet to do real work on...but I will.

Because I'm not satisfied, in Christ, with less than His very best for me, which includes taking care of myself. With His help, I know I can do anything. I know it.

But today, I didn't take care of myself, I stuffed myself.

Here's what I ate...

Morning- 
A few sips of coffee with cream and sugar
A bottle of water

Noon- 
Arby's Junior Roast Beef w/ Cheddar
Small Pepsi
large apple

Afternoon- 
A handful of potato chips
a handful of cheese crackers
2 cups of Coke
serving of broiled salmon
a spoonful of leftover au gratin potatoes
half a bottle of water

Evening-
Another handful of cheese crackers
2 more cups of Coke
bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats

Late Evening-
another handful of potato chips
Butterfinger candy bar
large apple

I know...

YUCK.

I'm a Morning Hag...

This is how I feel in the morning....

Like Grendel from Beowulf...

Like a junkyard dog...

Like the Wicked Witch of the West...

Like a venomous snake...

Like an evil old hag...

Like a prickly cactus...

Like a man-eating shark...

Like a zombie....

This morning, when my little girl came bouncing in at 7:00 a.m. (on a Saturday mind you), I exacted all the wrath of all of these terrible, fearsome creatures onto her. I was yelling and stomping around in a sleepy, growly, fumbling fog, ordering her back to bed. 

It was ugly. 

I felt ugly.

I had to apologize. 

My husband finally had to intervene and get up at that ungodly hour because I was in no mood to deal with breakfast or cartoons or opening my eyes. 

At 10:00 a.m. I finally arose to a fresh pot of coffee (saved by my man again!) and began to feel human.

(what is it about this black, magic elixir that soothes the savage beast  first in the morning? 

I'm not sure, but I sure do thank God for coffee)

This happens way too often and I'm so tired of feeling this way every morning. 

The beginning of a new day is an opportunity to start fresh, to enjoy the quiet, to thank God for his new mercies. 

But quite often, for me anyway, it's more like a, "Who gets their head bitten off first for waking me up?" start to the day. 

Not good for me, or the recipient of my hatefulness.

I know that I set the tone in my home and it's my job to build it up, or tear it down. Proverbs 14:1 says,

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

I don't want to be the one responsible for the tearing down of the people in my family. I want to work to build them up! They deserve better...

and so do I.

So, I'm making a proclamation...

I'm getting up early this week!

But getting up early starts with NOT burning the midnight oil writing books or writing blogs or surfing the net or reading, or watching old movies. 

To get up early, you have to go to bed early. It's nothing for me to stay up til 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, but I am committing to going to bed this week, no later than 10:30 p.m.

And I'm going to try my level best to get up by 7 or 7:30 a.m....hopefully before the munchkin, who is usually bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8 a.m. at the latest.

So here's the checklist...

1. Set coffee pot to brew by 7a.m. (after dinner the night before)
2. Go to bed by 10:30 p.m.
3. Set alarm clock for 7 a.m.

There...not so bad.

I will keep you posted on how this goes.

But it has to be done. 

Because who likes waking up to "Grendel" first thing in the morning? :/

What are You Willing To Do For Your Children?

I've been feeling some conviction lately...


I've been thinking about my role as a mother and what that means beyond the sort of mundane dailiness of what it takes to care for my daughter. Do I pray enough for her...for her future? And while I want every nice thing for my daughter, I know that the nicest clothes, the latest, greatest toys, belonging to the best playgroups having just the right friends, being a part of just the right activities doesn't add up to a hill of beans where her eternity is concerned! Yet, do I take that literally? Am I doing things that outwardly make me seem like a good mother, that others can brag about or marvel at? Sometimes it seems that way. Or am I in my prayer closet, in secret, praying for her. No one sees that. If they could, would I do it more? Just questions I'm asking of my own heart. So far, I'm not liking what I see. But I'm seeking better for my daughter.

Do I pray enough for her health? What about her school experience? Will I have equipped her to handle mean kids, judging teachers, failure, being gracious when she has successes, to do her very best? And her teenage years? Will she be good and kind to others? Will she be liked? Will she have some talents and/or abilities that make her feel special...that keep her out of trouble? Will she allow boys, as I did, to take advantage of her, hurt her? Or will she be a strong young woman with unshakable character? Will she marry a wonderful young man and have beautiful children of her own?


See, knowing what I know about the Kingdom of God, I don't believe all these things are left to chance. What if RIGHT NOW, when she's just 2 years old, we start to do something IN THE SPIRITUAL REALM to shape our daughter's future? 

What if my husband and I fasted and prayed specifically for our daughter each week, consistently? What kind of battles could be fought and won in the spiritual? I will probably never know this side of Heaven, but Daniel gives us a clue as to what spiritual warfare happens on our behalf when we fast and pray...

Daniel 10:1-14
 ¹ "In the third year of Cyrus king of Persia, a revelation was given to Daniel (who was called Belteshazzar). Its message was true and it concerned a great war. The understanding of the message came to him in a vision.  ² At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks. ³ I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over.
 ⁴ On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river, the Tigris, ⁵ I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. ⁶ His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.
 ⁷ I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me did not see it, but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves. ⁸ So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. ⁹ Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.
 ¹⁰ A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. ¹¹ He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
 ¹² Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. ¹³ But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. ¹⁴ Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come."


I am so excited by what the angel said, "From the first day....your prayers were heard!" And right then he went to battle on Daniel's behalf! If we start fasting and praying now for our daughter, what battles might the great angels be fighting for her? She may never have to endure some of the evil things that kids today experience. Giving up a day of food a week so that my child can have a more victorious life seems like a pretty small price to pay to me!

 The book, Night Light for Parents by Dr. James and Shirley Dobson, is a daily devotional meant to be read with your spouse together at night. I have his other book Night Light which is for couples, but am interested in getting the one for parents as well because there seems to be some amazing wisdom there. They talk about praying and fasting specifically for your children in a section called, "Passing on the Faith,"


SATURDAY
Divine Help
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17, NKJV 


"When confronted with the awesome responsibilities of parenthood, not to mention the incredible evil in today's world, it's no surprise that many parents feel an urgent need to pray continually for their children. When Danae was about three years old, Jim and I realized that as parents we needed divine help. We began fasting and praying for Danae, and later for Ryan, almost every week (a practice that I continue to this day). Our prayer went something like this: "Lord, give us the wisdom to raise the precious children You have loaned to us, and above all else, help us bring them to the feet of Jesus. This is more important to us than our health or our work or our finances. What we ask most fervently is that the circle be unbroken when we meet in heaven."
God has not only heard this prayer, but also blessed it in ways we never anticipated. Our prayer time has become a project that Jim and I enjoy together, drawing us closer to each other as we draw closer to God. In addition, the act of fasting each week serves as an important reminder of our priorities: It's difficult to forget your highest values when one day out of seven is spent focusing entirely on them. Finally, our children were influenced by these acts of discipline. When they observed us fasting or praying, it gave us the opportunity to explain why we did these things, how much we loved them, and how much we loved and trusted the Lord.
God hears and honors,in His perfect timing, our petitions on behalf of our children. If you want the very best for your sons and daughters, I urge you to call on the greatest power in the universe in frequent prayer."
SMD

What great advice! And what a challenge for us all! 

Here's another quote that I came across this week from the book, Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders...

"The emerging leader eats right, stands tall, and prepares himself to wage spiritual warfare. He will without reluctance undertake the unpleasant task that others avoid or the hidden duty that others evade because it wins no public applause."


Fasting and praying isn't popular. In fact, most folks think you're down right LOONEY TUNES if you do it regularly. But as we've seen from the book of Daniel, it is a powerful weapon we have against our enemy, one we as the Church do not utilize enough. Why? Maybe because it's meant to be done in secret..no one sees it...you don't get applause for it. The moms on the playground don't see the hours you spent on your knees before your Heavenly Father, shedding tears for your child on an empty stomach. The other parents thinks you're weird because you politely refuse the breakfast casserole each week at playgroup. Your friends think you're dissing them because you turned them down, yet again for dinner out. Your coworkers look at you in disbelief as you only order an iced tea when the company is paying for a business lunch! No, you're not going to get any applause or a standing ovation for fasting and praying for your child. But as a spiritual leader over her/him, are you still willing to make the sacrifice?

But God knows what you're doing...

 

 "But you, when you pray, enter into your closet, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father which is in secret; and your Father which sees in secret shall reward you openly." Matthew 6:6

And our reward (here on earth at least) will be a child who is blessed and protected beyond what we could ever ask or think!

 

 

What do you say?