Felt like a big ol' loser today at the park! It's sad when your little one is yelling, "Come on Mommy, come on!" because she wants you to come play with her, but you're too exhausted to move an inch from the bench! I did play with her for about 10 minutes, but that's all I could take before I was huffing and puffing and ready for a break. So sad. I know this. It seemed easier even one year ago, but I think my age, coupled with this obesity is catching up with me. My knees ache, my hip joints hurt, my back is always tight and sore, and the worse thing, I am out of breath almost all the time. I think to myself, "I'm too young to feel so old!" In my heart I feel 18, but my body feels ancient! Guys...it's time to change this, it really is just time. But I'm hesitant to talk about it. Because as soon as I do, it seems like I give up just as quickly as I get started. Feeling defeated time after time after time makes a person not want to even try again. I just don't have the energy. But try I must...for me and for my precious little one!
On a happier note, she was in a little fashion show my parent's local mall was having. My sister works at a department store and the workers at all the clothing stores there dress their children in the store's apparel and hold a Spring fashion show. My little G wore a fluffy pink and silver Easter dress and her older cousin Ashley wore a really pretty blue dress with silver high heel shoes. Thankfully Ashley walked with G down the runway or who knows what would have happened! When it was time to exit the stage, she (G) turned around and wanted to do it all again. She LOVED the stage a little too much! IAshley had to drag her to the stairs and I had to physically remove her from the stage. Yeah...fun for all! But she was cute, and that's all that mattered.
Getting ready in the mirrors....
Grammy brushing her hair.
Hugging Nana after the big show...
See...after the show, she wanted BACK on stage and played there for like 15 minutes!
I completely understand. I feel like such a loser right now. I am the heaviest that I have ever been in my entire life...even when I was pregnant. I am ashamed that I have let myself just pack on the pounds. I feel so bad every day and don't have the energy to do anything that I need or want to do. I remember when I was a young girl, I climbed the hills and walked to my neighbors and just loved being outdoors...now I do nothing. I sit and watch tv while I read (not fun reading...assigned school readings or research articles--blah) and work on assignments. I know in my heart what needs to be done, but actually implementing a plan and following through is so difficult for me. I need a support system in place and living here, away from my friends and family..I don't have that. Why is it so hard to do what we need to do? On another note....You have a beautiful daughter!
ReplyDeleteAngie..YOU CAN DO IT!!!! This is my time too. Have I wanted to give up? YES. But, it's the hardest and BEST thing you can do for yourself. I have a long ways to go but just getting 29 pounds off of me has totally changed my life thus far. Slowly, you become healthier and you do things that you never would have done in a million years (ie, buy a bike, walk 5 miles, do a 3k!!). I'm rooting for you. Jesus is the ONLY way that I've been getting through this.
ReplyDeleteOh how I identify with this post! It is very hard for me physically to play with Jonathan for very long. I, too, desparately need to do something! Summer is upon us and Jonathan will be 5, and he wants me to be his playmate. I, too, have knee and back problems. Some of it is due to being overweight and some from age. Can't change the age but if I could just get motivated I could do something about the weight! Shall we be weight loss buddies?
ReplyDeleteG is so cute in her fancy dress!
I wish I knew just what to say to truly motivate you. I have been there. I don't know what it is that really made it click with me(okay maybe I do, but it was pretty painful, and I don't want to go back there), but you can do it Angie. If there is one thing I have noticed about you, is that you are driven and passionate. Turn that drive and passion towards your well being, and it will happen.
ReplyDeleteG looks adorable!
ReplyDeleteI'm right where you are now. I'm done having children, and it feels like my body has belonged to them - not me - because I've been either pregnant or nursing for 7 of the last 8 years! It's time to take my body back!
I'm trying to focus less on dieting and more on exercise right now, because I really want to be healthy and improve my fitness. I've lost some weight already, and that's good motivation to keep going. I started just walking for 15 minutes, twice a week, and have worked up to 40 minutes, 3 times a week.
Small steps, Ang! You can do it!
Hi, found you from WWYH blog comment from a while back, just wanted to suggest checking out GreenSmoothieGirl.com. Maybe it would inspire you in a healthy direction?? Sorry I haven't read much of your blog so I don't know anything about you or your life, but I know how much the green smoothies have helped me. I feel great when I eat well, which makes me more energetic and want to exercise, which makes me want to eat good food for more energy... notice the circle?! LOL! Anyway, just thought I'd share that :-)
ReplyDeleteGood luck!